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It is often said that the modern man is suffering from the situation of his own creation. How far do you agree to this general opinion?

It is often said that the modern man is suffering from the situation of his own creation. How far do you agree to this general opinion? DwJ2E
Nowadays, individuals are sustaining from numerous ailments. The perception attributed to this is that the sufferings are consequences of human's creations. I agree to a great extent with the significant contribution of people's actions in breeding the appalling situation. To commence with, the advancement in technology proves as a curse for the individuals as it not only adversely effect their physical health but their relationships with others also affected egregiously. With the incessant usage of androids, for instance, people are immersed in it that they hardly notice about the time being wasted by surfing on internet. This addiction, as a result, deteriorates the eye sight and posture of the user. Besides this, person is not able to spend sizeable amount of time with their family; consequently, this gap leads to conflict in relations, and triggers the anxiety among people. Additionally, because of the establishments of an array of industries, customers have more choices. Eventually, the society has transformed into a throw- away society which depletes the environment. If the masses continue to throw the unnecessary items in the garbage at the same pace, then the likelihood of sustaining some severe illness will be more as garbage depletes the land, air and water which are used by human. Not only this, the smoke emitted by the manmade industries pollutes the air in which a person breathes; thus, majority of people particularly adults are facing respiratory problems. On the other hand, internet which is the greatest invention of 21st century, has transformed the life of humans in a positive way because of the long distance communication, e-learning, and e-shopping. To conclude, rather than blaming the inventions for afflicting the individuals' life, people are the one who are solely responsible for it because it is in their hands that whether they use it as a boon or bane.
Nowadays, individuals are sustaining from numerous ailments. The perception attributed to this is that the sufferings are consequences of
human's creations
. I
agree
to a great extent with the significant contribution of
people
's actions in breeding the appalling situation.

To commence with, the advancement in technology proves as a curse for the individuals as it not
only
adversely
effect their physical health
but
their relationships with others
also
affected
egregiously
. With the incessant usage of androids,
for instance
,
people
are immersed
in it that they hardly notice about the time
being wasted
by surfing on internet. This addiction,
as a result
, deteriorates the
eye sight
and posture of the user.
Besides
this, person is not able to spend sizeable amount of time with their family;
consequently
, this gap leads to conflict in relations, and triggers the anxiety among
people
.

Additionally
,
because
of the establishments of an array of industries, customers have more choices.
Eventually
, the society has transformed into a throw- away society which depletes the environment. If the masses continue to throw the unnecessary items in the garbage at the same pace, then the likelihood of sustaining
some
severe illness will be more
as
garbage depletes the land, air and water which are
used
by human. Not
only
this, the smoke emitted by the
manmade
industries pollutes the air in which a person breathes;
thus
,
majority of
people
particularly
adults are facing respiratory problems.

On the other hand
, internet which is the greatest invention of 21st century, has transformed the life of humans in a
positive
way
because
of the long distance communication, e-learning, and e-shopping.

To conclude
,
rather
than blaming the inventions for afflicting the individuals' life,
people
are the one who are
solely
responsible for it
because
it is in their hands that whether they
use
it as a boon or bane.
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IELTS essay It is often said that the modern man is suffering from the situation of his own creation. How far do you agree to this general opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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