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It is often said that the government spends too much money on the projects of protecting wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

It is often said that the government spends too much money on the projects of protecting wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important. v. 1
Government has a fixed budget and the allocation of the amount has to be done sensibly. Allocating large amount of money for the protection of wildlife is unnecessary overlooking the other major issues which are or much importance. I considerably disagree with this statement. Wildlife is an extremely important part of human life, to protect and conserve it for the society and for the future generation is the government’s responsibility. Firstly, conserving wild animals and plants will generate tourism for the country which ultimately leads to higher revenue and economic growth. In India, tourism consists of 30% of total revenue, generated in 2019. However, another point into the consideration is that the future generation is yet to see the wildlife which exist. For example, some species such as dinosaurs and other carnivorous animals have already vanished and some, such as white tigers and lions are on the verge of extinction. Allocation of the considerate amount of money to preserve wildlife is justified. Education and health care are other more important issues for the government to concern. Learning sector improvement will also raise the employment rate and gradually helps in the growth of the country, the employment rate has increased by 12% as compared to the last year’s statistics. However, another major issue is health care which requires more attention, funding the health care system and proving the latest machines and new medicines is the need of an hour. For instance, Higher rate of cancer’s which also needs different treatments at various levels. Government also needs to take into consideration these aspects of the society. In conclusion, government has a better understanding of how to allocate the funds. To preserve nature is of more importance than the other aspects of the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
budget and the allocation of the amount
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be done
sensibly
. Allocating large amount of money for the protection of wildlife is unnecessary overlooking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
major issues which are or much importance. I
considerably
disagree with this statement.

Wildlife is an
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of human life, to protect and conserve it for the society and for the future generation is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
responsibility.
Firstly
, conserving wild animals and plants will generate tourism for the country which
ultimately
leads to higher revenue and economic growth. In India, tourism consists of 30% of total revenue, generated in 2019.
However
, another point into the consideration is that the future generation is
yet
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the wildlife which exist.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species such as dinosaurs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
carnivorous animals have already vanished and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, such as white tigers and lions are on the verge of extinction. Allocation of the considerate amount of money to preserve wildlife
is justified
.

Education and health care are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to concern. Learning sector improvement will
also
raise the employment rate and
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the growth of the country, the employment rate has increased by 12% as compared to the last year’s statistics.
However
, another major issue is health care which requires more attention, funding the health care system and proving the latest machines and new medicines is the need of an hour.
For instance
, Higher rate of cancer’s which
also
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
treatments at various levels.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
also
needs to take into consideration these aspects of the society.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has a better understanding of how to allocate the funds. To preserve nature is of more importance than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects of the society.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is often said that the government spends too much money on the projects of protecting wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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