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It is often argued that helping people all over the world seems infeasible; therefore, the government should meet their own individual’s needs. While I admit that there are some drawbacks, I completely agree with this statement.

It is often argued that helping people all over the world seems infeasible; therefore, the government should meet their own individual’s needs. While I admit that there are some drawbacks, I completely agree with this statement. 8Gjxm
It is often argued that helping people all over the world seems infeasible; therefore, the government should meet their own individual’s needs. While I admit that there are some drawbacks, I completely agree with this statement. On the one hand, by supporting other nations, authorities could guarantee their future when they get into trouble. To illustrate, the government could establish a connection among one another to create a dependency, shaped by aid. For instance, a country like Iran always makes a significant contribution to its neighbours in harsh situations; leading to a plethora of advocating. Moreover, due to the humanitarian sense, it necessitates that countries help each other. On the whole, whilst it seems impossible to support all general populations all over the globe, governments could supply several nations for critical times. On the other hand, the role of the government in meeting people’s needs is indispensable. That is to say, every country should furnish the welfare of their populations, due to the fact that people are the foundation of every state. It means, if governments do not pay attention to people’s demands, they will be potentially no longer survive. For example, in past decades, Not only did the unsatisfactory of individuals in Iran lead to riots, but also they decided to alter the regime. That is why the government should adequately finance people in the first place. To conclude, although governments by advocating just individuals from their own country lose some supports, in my opinion, it ultimately leads to satisfaction of their own society.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world seems infeasible;
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
individual’s needs. While I admit that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

On the one hand, by supporting other nations, authorities could guarantee their future when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into trouble. To illustrate, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could establish a connection among one another to create a dependency, shaped by aid.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like Iran always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a significant contribution to its
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
in harsh situations; leading to a plethora of advocating.
Moreover
, due to the humanitarian sense, it necessitates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other.
On the whole
, whilst it seems impossible to support all general populations all over the globe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
could supply several nations for critical times.

On the other hand
, the role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
needs is indispensable.
That is
to say, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should furnish the welfare of their populations, due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the foundation of every state. It means, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
do not pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
demands, they will be
potentially
no longer survive.
For example
, in past decades, Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
did
The phrase 'the unsatisfactory of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the unsatisfactory of
individuals in Iran lead to riots,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they decided to alter the regime.
That is
why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
adequately
finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
first
place.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
by advocating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
individuals from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
supports, in my opinion, it
ultimately
leads to satisfaction of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
society.
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IELTS essay It is often argued that helping people all over the world seems infeasible; therefore, the government should meet their own individual’s needs. While I admit that there are some drawbacks, I completely agree with this statement.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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