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It is obvious that the youth these days obtain less knowledge about their national history heroes than current celebrities.

It is obvious that the youth these days obtain less knowledge about their national history heroes than current celebrities. VyE06
It is obvious that the youth these days obtain less knowledge about their national history heroes than current celebrities. The following composition is going to discuss about some reasons for this aforementioned phenomenon and suggest several possible solutions. First and foremost, at the present time, there is hardly any age gap between artists and the youth, which results in similar interests and perspectives. Thus, young people are easily influenced and attracted by those celebrities in terms of behaviors, fashion styles, even career orientation. Moreover, the majority of leading artists worldwide are considered as multitalented ones now that they are able to gain success in not only singing or dancing, but also acting films or designing clothes. Hence, the youth tend to live up to their idols, and desire to accomplish a reputation as their idols, so they get to know more and more about those stars. In contrast, young people only know about famous characters of their country via history lessons at school which have long been regarded as monotonous and not practical for their real life. Students are, in fact, forced to learn by heart a wide range of events and quantities of soldiers or weapons used in each battle rather than deeply penetrate how hard their ancestors had satisfied for their sovereign nation. Hitherto, in order to appeal students with historic people, it is pivotal to innovate the education system, especially the teaching process of history. History class should be carried out with more animated activities such as watching videos or roleplaying reader-theatre so that students could understand the value from wars and peace. Additionally, extra excursions for students to historical spots or museum will help them see how talented their ancestors were to create a currently modern and advanced world. In conclusion, much as the growing interest of young generations towards music or movie artists is undoubtable and unstoppable, it is crucial for the young to get basic insight into well-known people in the past through more amazing activities and lessons at schools.
It is obvious that the youth these days obtain less knowledge about their national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
heroes than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
celebrities. The following composition is going to discuss about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for this aforementioned phenomenon and suggest several possible solutions.

First
and foremost, at the present time, there is hardly any age gap between artists and the youth, which results in similar interests and perspectives.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
easily
influenced and attracted by those celebrities in terms of behaviors, fashion styles, even career orientation.
Moreover
, the majority of leading artists worldwide
are considered
as multitalented
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that they are able to gain success in not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
singing or dancing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
acting films or designing clothes.
Hence
, the youth tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
up to their idols, and desire to accomplish a reputation as their idols,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know more and more about those stars.

In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
know about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
characters of their country via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
lessons at school which have long
been regarded
as monotonous and not practical for their real life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are, in fact, forced to learn by heart a wide range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and quantities of soldiers or weapons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in each battle
rather
than
deeply
penetrate how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
their ancestors had satisfied for their sovereign nation.

Hitherto, in order to appeal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is pivotal to innovate the education system,
especially
the teaching process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
should
be carried
out with more animated activities such as watching videos or
Possible spelling mistake found.
roleplaying
Possible spelling mistake found.
reader-theatre
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could understand the value from wars and peace.
Additionally
, extra excursions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to historical spots or museum will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how talented their ancestors were to create a
currently
modern and advanced world.

In conclusion
, much as the growing interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations towards music or movie artists is
Possible spelling mistake found.
undoubtable
and unstoppable, it is crucial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
basic insight into well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past through more amazing activities and lessons at schools.
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IELTS essay It is obvious that the youth these days obtain less knowledge about their national history heroes than current celebrities.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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