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It is noticeable that some people nowadays choose to work for a short time of a year rather than on a regular basis.

It is noticeable that some people nowadays choose to work for a short time of a year rather than on a regular basis. Q1P1
It is noticeable that some people nowadays choose to work for a short time of a year rather than on a regular basis. While I agree temporary jobs may work for those who have a clear dream to pursue, for most people, full-time jobs are likely to be wiser choices. It is true that working temporarily and pursuing dreams for the rest of time help to reach a balance between financial demands and emotional needs. One the one hand, people earn salaries from contract jobs, thus laying a financial foundation for their life later-on, without worrying about not being able to support themselves. On the other hand, working temporarily allows people to pursue their dreams and devote time for things they truly wanted, therefore feeling satisfied and content. When people are able to work for their passion without financial burdens, there are higher chances that they would be more concentrated, thus achieving greater success in their dream fields. It is not rare to find example in celebrities telling stories of them spending months washing dishes in restaurants or selling cosmetics in shopping malls to accumulate fund for their albums. However, for the majority of people, working part-time would simply be a waste of time and money. Firstly, for some people, they don’t have a clear career path, doing what they want mostly means getting involved in leisure activities, so they might end up spending this precious time and money on games or drinks. Secondly, it is hard to build a career based on temporary jobs. For people doing temporary jobs, they are more likely to be employed by various elementary-level jobs, since there are no stable demands for contracts in one specific field. However, changing from one basic job to another would not add valuable experience and skills. Frequently being in and out of work also causes employers’ doubt towards the job seeker, therefore making the job hunting process more and more difficult in the long run. To conclude, for people who have a strong motivation and cleared path for their dreams, they can use temporary jobs to accumulate money. But for most people who gain satisfaction from their career, it is better to be permanently employed.
It is noticeable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of a year
rather
than on a regular basis. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for those who have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
to pursue, for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are likely to be wiser choices.

It is true that working
temporarily
and pursuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
for the rest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to reach a balance between financial demands and emotional needs.
Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn salaries from contract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
thus
laying a financial foundation for their life later-on, without worrying about not being able to support themselves.
On the other hand
, working
temporarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pursue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
and devote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for things they
truly
wanted,
therefore
feeling satisfied and content. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for their passion without financial burdens, there are higher chances that they would be more concentrated,
thus
achieving greater success in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
fields. It is not rare to find example in celebrities telling stories of them spending months washing dishes in restaurants or selling cosmetics in shopping malls to accumulate fund for their albums.

However
, for the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, working part-time would
simply
be a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money.
Firstly
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they don’t have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
career path, doing what they want
mostly
means getting involved in leisure activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up spending this precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money on games or drinks.
Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to build a career based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they are more likely to
be employed
by various elementary-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, since there are no stable demands for contracts in one specific field.
However
, changing from one basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to another would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
valuable experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Frequently
being in and out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
also
causes employers’ doubt towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seeker,
therefore
making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hunting process more and more difficult in the long run.

To conclude
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a strong motivation and cleared path for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to accumulate money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who gain satisfaction from their career, it is better to be
permanently
employed.
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IELTS essay It is noticeable that some people nowadays choose to work for a short time of a year rather than on a regular basis.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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