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It is necessary for parents to attend parenting training course to bring their children up. Do you agree or disagree?

It is necessary for parents to attend parenting training course to bring their children up. XAVN
Raising children is not that uncomplicated. Therefore, the majority of people assume that parenting preparation seminars are essential for bringing children up. To my opinion, such courses should be spread all over the world. On top of that, it should be necessary for new parents to attend these classes. To start with, various aspects of a kid’s growth and development are taught in these classes, namely diet and personal care. For instance, there is a high chance that people, who recently became parents, are not aware of the proper diet of their babies. Consequently, their children may be harmed by inappropriate food. One of the proper decisions for this problem would be joining a parenting training course. These courses would teach them all of the needed knowledge to raise healthy children. In addition, they would answer all of the questions that new parents would have got. Furthermore, becoming an excellent parent demands a lot of responsibility and care. There may happen different tragic cases due to the carelessness of parents. For example, new parents may buy some expired food or wrong medicine inadvertently, as a result, their babies may be hurt by it. They can get poisoned, get indigestion, fall sick, or even die at worst. To avoid such hazardous situations, parenting courses are there. They can deal with the safety and eating habits of a juvenile. All in all, having training courses to guide the upbringing of a child is a boon for society. A trainee can ensure better health and safety of his baby by participating in these workshops. So, to my opinion, new parents should join them.
Raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is not that uncomplicated.
Therefore
, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assume that parenting preparation seminars are essential for bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
up. To my opinion, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
should
be spread
all over the world.
On top of that
, it should be necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to attend these classes.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, various aspects of a kid’s growth and development
are taught
in these classes,
namely
diet and personal care.
For instance
, there is a high chance that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who recently became
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, are not aware of the proper diet of their babies.
Consequently
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
be harmed
by inappropriate food. One of the proper decisions for this problem would be joining a parenting training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
would teach them
Consider using "all the".
all of the
needed knowledge to raise healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
, they would answer
Consider using "all the".
all of the
questions that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
.

Furthermore
, becoming an excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
demands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
responsibility and care. There may happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tragic cases due to the carelessness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
expired food or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
medicine
inadvertently
,
as a result
, their babies may
be hurt
by it. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
poisoned,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indigestion, fall sick, or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
at worst. To avoid such hazardous situations, parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are there. They can deal with the safety and eating habits of a juvenile.

All in all, having training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
to guide the upbringing of a child is a boon for society. A trainee can ensure better health and safety of his baby by participating in these workshops.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
them.

IELTS essay It is necessary for parents to attend parenting training course to bring their children up.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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