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It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about localhistory than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about localhistory than world history. v. 1
The advancement in technology these days has made life easier for mankind. One of these major improvement can be seen in the design of automobiles. However, despite this significant improvement, I believe the main causes of bad roads in many countries, is as a result of too many automobiles. In this I will discuss reasons to support my opinion. There is no doubt that the development of automobiles has significant impact in our lives, but these days, there are too many automobiles, which as a result, as lead to several road damages in many countries, this is because many good roads has been re-constructed in recent years, due to severe damages. For example, in Nigeria, over 50 million dollars was spent in 2019 for road re-construction as a result of too many bad roads causing serious traffic in the country. The major causes of all these damages is as a result of too many automobiles on the road. Therefore, if the number of automobiles is reduced, the frequent road re-construction would also be reduced and the roads will last longer without carrying out any repair on it. Also, it is the responsibility of the government to ensure that expired cars should not be allowed on the roads, this would also help to reduce the number or automobiles, because many of these expired cars also lead to environmental pollution. It is true that the advantages of cars cannot be compared to its disadvantages, and in fact life will be difficult without the existence of automobiles, but if the numbers of automobiles on roads are not controlled, it will lead to disasters in the environment To conclude, frequent road damages occur as a result of too many automobiles and this can only be reduced if the number of expired automobiles on roads is also reduced.
The advancement in technology these days has made life easier for mankind. One of these major improvement can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the design of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobiles
.
However
, despite this significant improvement, I believe the main causes of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, is as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobiles
. In this I will discuss reasons to support my opinion.

There is no doubt that the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobiles
has significant impact in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these days, there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobiles
, which as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
, as lead to several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
damages in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
has been re-constructed in recent years, due to severe damages.
For example
, in Nigeria, over 50 million dollars
was spent
in 2019 for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
re-construction as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
causing serious traffic in the country. The major causes of all these damages is as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobiles
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
.
Therefore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobiles
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
, the frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
re-construction would
also
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
will last longer without carrying out any repair on it.

Also
, it is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to ensure that expired cars should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
, this would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
Did you mean "of"?
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobiles
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these expired cars
also
lead to environmental pollution. It is true that the advantages of cars cannot
be compared
to its disadvantages, and in fact life will be difficult without the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobiles
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobiles
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are not controlled, it will lead to disasters in the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
environment


To conclude
, frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
damages occur as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobiles
and this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of expired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobiles
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about localhistory than world history. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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