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It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about localhistory than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about localhistory than world history. v. 1
The advancement in technology these days has made life easier for mankind. One of these major improvement can be seen in the design of automobiles. However, despite this significant improvement, I believe the main causes of bad roads in many countries, is as a result of too many automobiles. In this I will discuss reasons to support my opinion. There is no doubt that the development of automobiles has significant impact in our lives, but these days, there are too many automobiles, which as a result, as lead to several road damages in many countries, this is because many good roads has been re-constructed in recent years, due to severe damages. For example, in Nigeria, over 50 million dollars was spent in 2019 for road re-construction as a result of too many bad roads causing serious traffic in the country. The major causes of all these damages is as a result of too many automobiles on the road. Therefore, if the number of automobiles is reduced, the frequent road re-construction would also be reduced and the roads will last longer without carrying out any repair on it. Also, it is the responsibility of the government to ensure that expired cars should not be allowed on the roads, this would also help to reduce the number or automobiles, because many of these expired cars also lead to environmental pollution. It is true that the advantages of cars cannot be compared to its disadvantages, and in fact life will be difficult without the existence of automobiles, but if the numbers of automobiles on roads are not controlled, it will lead to disasters in the environment To conclude, frequent road damages occur as a result of too many automobiles and this can only be reduced if the number of expired automobiles on roads is also reduced.
The advancement in technology these days has made life easier for mankind. One of these major improvement can be
seen
in the design of
automobiles
.
However
, despite this significant improvement, I believe the main causes of
bad
roads
in
many
countries, is as a
result
of too
many
automobiles
. In this I will discuss reasons to support my opinion.

There is no doubt that the development of
automobiles
has significant impact in our
lives
,
but
these days, there are too
many
automobiles
, which as a
result
, as lead to several
road
damages in
many
countries, this is
because
many
good
roads
has been re-constructed in recent years, due to severe damages.
For example
, in Nigeria, over 50 million dollars
was spent
in 2019 for
road
re-construction as a
result
of too
many
bad
roads
causing serious traffic in the country. The major causes of all these damages is as a
result
of too
many
automobiles
on the
road
.
Therefore
, if the
number
of
automobiles
is
reduced
, the frequent
road
re-construction would
also
be
reduced
and the
roads
will last longer without carrying out any repair on it.

Also
, it is the responsibility of the
government
to ensure that expired cars should not be
allowed
on the
roads
, this would
also
help
to
reduce
the
number
or
automobiles
,
because
many
of these expired cars
also
lead to environmental pollution. It is true that the advantages of cars cannot
be compared
to its disadvantages, and in fact life will be difficult without the existence of
automobiles
,
but
if the
numbers
of
automobiles
on
roads
are not controlled, it will lead to disasters in the
environment


To conclude
, frequent
road
damages occur as a
result
of too
many
automobiles
and this can
only
be
reduced
if the
number
of expired
automobiles
on
roads
is
also
reduced
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about localhistory than world history. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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