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It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.

It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them. LG6er
Every human is free to believe in what he feels is right. People believe in differnet things, this is because no two human is same. Everyone has their own experiences, different culture, different upbring. All these factors influence and develop certain beliefs. Few believe in god, few are atheists, and both are right in their respective ways. People are defined by their beliefs. These beliefs sometimes bring the good out of people sometimes these beliefs are their worst enemy. Although I mostly agree that adhering to own's belief is the right thing to do, but sometimes compromising on them can be life changing, and in a good way, supporting are two reasons for it. As I said before, not everyone is the same, people have different experiences regarding different things, and these experiences develop certain beliefs. Depending on the experience, a belief can be positive or negative. For example, Kids living in destitution, having spent most of their childhood in depravity, doing menial work just to feel their stomachs, may develop a belief that money is the most important thing in the world. Whereas kids who have all the riches at their disposal, who are surronded by luxury, but who are lonely don't have many friends may not understand the importance of money. They might feel like having lovable people around is the most important thing. So in this case, since the rich kid had everything thing but love, and the poor kid had nothing but love hold different beliefs and both should stick to their beliefs because if the poor kid feels that money is not important, he may not work hard, and he may still live in poverty. Similarly, if the rich kid compromises his belief about having people, he maybe lonely forever. It also depends on your culture, different culture hold different beliefs. Few believe in god, few don't but both are right in doing so. A pious man is forced to do good in his life fearing that god will punish him for his evil deeds. This fear keeps his evilness locked, making him do as much good as possible. Also he prays to his god to protect him from evil. Praying helps him feel safe and might help him in reducing stress. On the other hand atheists, who don't believe in god are unpredictable. Having nothing to fear, no force to control, and no need of protection may make such people dangerous. Their evilness may not be locked in for perpetuity as they fear nothing and may do something wicked. In this case if the pious man compromises on his belief and becomes an atheist may prove deleterious for him. Losing all the fears, no one will be able to confine him, he may start doing things which because of the fear of god punishing him he would have not done in the first place. Hence, compromising belief in such situation might prove to be more harmful. So its usually better to stick to them.
Every human is free to
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believe
in what he
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feels
is
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right
.
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People
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believe
in
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differnet
things, this is
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because
no two human is same. Everyone has their
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own
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experiences
,
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different
culture,
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different
Possible spelling mistake found.
upbring
. All these factors influence and develop certain
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beliefs
. Few
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believe
in god, few are atheists, and both are
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right
in their respective ways.
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People
are defined
by their
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beliefs
. These
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beliefs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
bring the
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good
out of
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people
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sometimes
these
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beliefs
are their worst enemy. Although I
mostly
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agree
that adhering to
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "owns"?
own's
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belief
is the
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right
thing to do,
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but
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sometimes
compromising on them can be life changing, and in a
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good
way, supporting are two reasons for it.

As I said
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before
, not everyone is the same,
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people
have
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different
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experiences
regarding
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different
things, and these
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experiences
develop certain
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beliefs
. Depending on the
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experience
, a
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belief
can be
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positive
or
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negative
.
For example
,
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Kids
living in destitution,
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having
spent most of their childhood in depravity, doing menial work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
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feel
their stomachs, may develop a
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belief
that money is the most
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important
thing in the world. Whereas
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kids
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who
have all the riches at their disposal,
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who
are
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surronded
by luxury,
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but
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who
are lonely don't have
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many
friends may not understand the importance of money. They might
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feel
like
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having
lovable
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people
around is the most
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important
thing.
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So
in this case
, since the rich
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kid
had everything thing
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but
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love
, and the poor
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kid
had nothing
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but
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love
hold
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different
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beliefs
and both should stick to their
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beliefs
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because
if the poor
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kid
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feels
that money is not
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important
, he may not work
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hard
, and he may
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poverty.
Similarly
, if the rich
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kid
compromises his
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belief
about
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having
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people
, he
The word "maybe" is and adverb. Either a verb is missing or you meant "may be".
maybe
lonely forever.

It
also
depends on your culture,
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different
culture hold
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different
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beliefs
. Few
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believe
in god, few don't
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but
both are
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right
in doing
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so
. A pious
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man
is forced
to do
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good
in his life fearing that god will punish him for his evil deeds. This
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fear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
his evilness locked, making him do as much
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good
as possible.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
he prays to his god to protect him from evil. Praying
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helps
him
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feel
safe and might
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help
him in reducing
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stress
.
On the other hand
atheists,
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who
don't
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believe
in god are unpredictable.
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Having
nothing to
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fear
, no force to control, and no need of protection may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
such
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people
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dangerous
. Their evilness may not
be locked
in for perpetuity as they
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fear
nothing and may do something wicked.
In this case
if the pious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
compromises on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
belief
and becomes an atheist may prove deleterious for him. Losing all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fears
, no one will be able to confine him, he may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing things which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
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fear
of god punishing him he would have not done in the
first
place.
Hence
, compromising
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belief
in such situation might prove to be more harmful.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
its
usually
better to stick to them.
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Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
500 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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