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It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at en early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this dictinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? v.1

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at en early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this dictinction. with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? v. 1
Some people think that the best way to explain to kids about appropriate behaviour through hard measures such as shouting at them, turning off the internet or computer games, even beating them. While after these steps children can close themselves and haven't understood why they were punished, become shyer. I strongly believe that the most right decision is to explain first what was wrong. On the one hand, there is a huge amount of cases in the literature when parents and also teachers in schools were allowed to beat pupil because of bullying other pupils or getting a bad mark. For instance, Lev Tolstoy was writing in his books about school years, how it was happening in his studies. Furthermore, society was thankful for such education, because after all they normally developed people without any habits which aren't welcomed in their minds. On the other hand, there are lots of cases when after such cruelty education children were grown up even as criminals who get angry at the whole world for their unhappy childhood. A huge amount of psychologists writes that all problems with personality come exactly from infancy for the whole of life. So such way of education will provoke many of crimes in the future. In conclusion, I would like to tell that on the government level should be written legal punishments which can be used by parents at home and teachers at schools. Of course, punishments by the word no one can cancel, but punishments by using hand can be there to allow the child to understand fully and remember that after each uncorrectable behaviour will be repeated the same situation with punishment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to kids about appropriate
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
measures such as shouting at them, turning off the internet or computer games, even beating them. While after these steps children can close themselves and haven't understood why they
were punished
, become shyer. I
strongly
believe that the most right decision is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
first
what was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.

On the one hand, there is a huge amount of cases in the literature when parents and
also
teachers in schools were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to beat pupil
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of bullying other pupils or getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
mark.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lev
Tolstoy was writing in his books about school years, how it was happening in his studies.
Furthermore
, society was thankful for such education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after all
they
normally
developed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without any habits which aren't welcomed in their minds.

On the other hand
, there are lots of cases when after such cruelty education children
were grown
up even as criminals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
angry at the whole world for their unhappy childhood. A huge amount of psychologists writes that all problems with personality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
exactly from infancy for the whole of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
such way of education will provoke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of crimes in the future.

In conclusion
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
that on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
level should
be written
legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by parents at home and teachers at schools.
Of course
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
by the word no one can cancel,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
by using hand can be there to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the child to understand
fully
and remember that after each uncorrectable
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
will
be repeated
the same situation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at en early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this dictinction. with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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