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It is healthier for children to live in the countryside than in a city

It is healthier for children to live in the countryside than in a city dp3do
It is true that kids born and brought up in the urban areas have more exposure to each and every aspect of existence. However, some people are discussing that kids born and brought up in the countryside can live a happy and healthier life. I strongly believe that life in the countryside has undeniable positive effects on children. On the it’s obvious that living in the countryside can improve children’s health For instance, if children constantly do house-working and gardening, they will be healthy. This example clearly shows that working hard improves not only health but also diversifies lifestyle. Because of that, they learn how to protect the environment and to live without any technological equipment. whereas in the city they are kept at home using smartphones and computers Furthermore, breathing fresh air and playing in nature frequently are advantageous for children’s both physical and mental health. From this, it can be concluded that living in villages accelerates physical developing and improves skills which they need in future life. However, children should be educated by qualified teachers but the countryside can't create that kind of condition for education Good education is the earnest of success in the future. But not only a bright future depends on the education of the children, it also depends on proper medical treatment and facilities of medicine. Aforesaid medicine, one of the main necessary things in raising children. Without vaccination, young children might get ill or even die from fatal diseases. To sum up, growing up in the countryside can be very positive for someone’s childhood, but the city will usually offer better opportunities for their talents’ development.
It is true that kids born and brought up in the urban areas have more exposure to each and every aspect of existence.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are discussing that kids born and brought up in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy and healthier life. I
strongly
believe that life in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
has undeniable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on children.

On
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "it"?
the it
’s obvious that living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
constantly
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
-working and gardening, they will be healthy. This example
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
diversifies lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, they learn how to protect the environment and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without any technological equipment.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
in the city they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
at home using smartphones and computers
Furthermore
, breathing fresh air and playing in nature
frequently
are advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
both physical and mental health. From this, it can
be concluded
that living in villages accelerates physical developing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which they need in future life.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be educated
by qualified teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
can't create that kind of condition for education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
education is the earnest of success in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a bright future depends on the education of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it
also
depends on proper medical treatment and facilities of medicine.

Aforesaid medicine, one of the main necessary things in raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Without vaccination, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ill or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
from fatal diseases.

To sum up, growing up in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for someone’s childhood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the city will
usually
offer better opportunities for their talents’ development.

IELTS essay It is healthier for children to live in the countryside than in a city

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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