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Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this kLxBn
It is quite common these days for young people in many countries to have a break from studying after graduating from high school. It said by some that it is better for students to attend university, while others believe that travelling and working before joining the university for formal education is superior for the students to understand the world. Of course, It has its own pros and cons as it is supposed to discuss below. On the one hand, to learn communicate with people and understand the world wider can serve as its merits. For example, in the university a student will meet with different types of people so there require a good understanding and mental maturity stage for that. The university campus provides special and deep knowledge of particular field which obligate hard working and learning capability. The reason for this is that university prepare the students to survive in the real world in their own basis any place, some prior travel and working experience would even accelerate it more. On the other hand, there are few drawbacks in sending them work or tour. For instance, education process will be disrupted. In the consequence, the students may not show interest towards higher studies while a few of them continue to work in the same sector. As youngsters start to earn money through work, they may incline towards bad habits like smoking, alcohol consumption, drug addiction and so on. Lastly, making a trip will for along period may effect their financial status if they run out of money which may indulge in debts. Again young people may go on working and they may lack their interest in studies. I think very few people only discontinue the studies as higher qualifications are needed for a job. To sum up, when we weigh both merits and demerits, the merits are more. From the reasons mentioned above, in my opinion, every country should encourage the young people to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
It is quite common these days for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries to have a break from studying after graduating from high school. It said by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, while others believe that travelling and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for formal education is superior for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to understand the world.
Of course
, It has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons as it
is supposed
to discuss below. On the one hand, to learn
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to communicate"
communicate
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and understand the world wider can serve as its merits.
For example
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there require a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
understanding and mental maturity stage for that. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
campus provides special and deep knowledge of particular field which obligate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and learning capability.
The reason for this is
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
prepare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to survive in the real world in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
basis any place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prior travel and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
experience would even accelerate it more.

On the other hand
, there are few drawbacks in sending them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or tour.
For instance
, education process will
be disrupted
. In the consequence, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
interest towards higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
while a few of them continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the same sector. As youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to earn money through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they may incline towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits like smoking, alcohol consumption, drug addiction and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Lastly
, making a trip will for along period may
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
their financial status if they run out of money which may indulge in debts. Again young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may go on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they may lack their interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
discontinue the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
as higher qualifications
are needed
for a job.

To sum up, when we weigh both merits and demerits, the merits are more. From the reasons mentioned above, in my opinion, every country should encourage the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
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IELTS essay Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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