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It is good idea for teenegers to have jobs while they are still students.To what extend do you agree with this statement . support your answer with specific reasons and details

It is good idea for teenegers to have jobs while they are still students. support your answer with specific reasons and details DY31k
In the bygone days, students not heard about part time jobs. but presently, students are engaged with part time jobs, while they studing. I strongly agree with idea that, teenegers are engaged with part time work during their free time. Because firstly, students can learn about responsibilities and punctualities. 2 They can learn the value of the mony. 3. They can learn as a member of the team. Firstly, students can learn to be responsible and punctual. Example while teenegers are working part time job, they will learn to go for work on correct time every day. Apart from that, students will learn to check inventory and stock during their working hours. Secondly, students can learn the value of the money, while they are working teenage period. Example students will learn to use money in proper way. Because money is from their sweat. Finally, students will learn how to be work as a member in their team. Example students will help each other and understand during their working hours. To put it in a nutshell, It is a good opportunities that for moder world students to work part time job while they studing. Because they will learn to be as a responsible adults. They will learn to work with others. They will learn to use their money in proper way in their limited income. Hope that, all these good habits will teach them to live in reality of their life.
In the bygone days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
not heard about
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
presently
,
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students
are engaged
with
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, while they
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studing
. I
strongly
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agree
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that,
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teenegers
are engaged
with
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part
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time
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work
during their free
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time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
firstly
,
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students
can
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learn
about responsibilities and
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punctualities
. 2 They can
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learn
the value of the
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mony
. 3. They can
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learn
as a member of the team.

Firstly
,
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students
can
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learn
to be responsible and punctual. Example while
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teenegers
are
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working
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part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
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job
, they will
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learn
to go for
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work
on correct
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time
every day. Apart from that,
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students
will
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learn
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
inventory and stock during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours.

Secondly
,
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students
can
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learn
the value of the
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money
, while they are
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working
teenage period. Example
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students
will
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learn
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in proper way.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
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money
is from their sweat.

Finally
,
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students
will
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learn
how to be
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work
as a member in their team. Example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other and understand during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours.

To put it in a nutshell, It is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "opportunity"?
opportunities
that for
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moder
world
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students
to
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work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while they
Possible spelling mistake found.
studing
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to be as a responsible
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "adult"?
adults
. They will
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learn
to
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work
with others. They will
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learn
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in proper way in their limited income. Hope that, all these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits will teach them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in reality of their life.
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IELTS essay It is good idea for teenegers to have jobs while they are still students. support your answer with specific reasons and details

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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