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Globalization is positive for economics but its negative sides should not be ignored

Globalization is positive for economics but its negative sides should not be ignored 1kPr7
Modern technological era has accelares the economic success although its negative impact should not be refused. To begin with, in this buzz world, proliferation of economic success mitigate the unemployment rate after the 18 th centuries. European's presence towards the third world countries have brought lot of changes not only development of economy but also education, transportation, business, culture, way of living and religion. They have established lot of multi national companies, cooperation and branches in their colonial countries. After the technological advancement, it evolved different way. Domestic companies was real hammering after the foregin investment and companies. they have to compete against the thrived industries. Countries which can not afford to do this, they can get money from equlitarium such as IMF, WB and developed countries. Many countries develop their own nations with the help of international collaboration. Many nations depend on international institutions, although it affects their sovereignty in many ways. In contrast, there are so many different kind of fast food industries such as KFC, MC and cuisines like Taiwan, indian, chinese and so on, in most of the countries. They established their branches to enhance their wealth. Sothat domestic food, traditional method of cooking lost their preference and used only for special occasions such as birthday, weddings, get to gather and new year. Every country has own culture, traditions, norms, rituals, language and religion. after the globalization many countries mixed other cultures and religious activity in their culture so that we cant see the originality of the countries's value and customs. In countries curriculum includes foreign countries subjects and languages in their educational system. Sothat it removed the traditional educational method and vernacular language. Different kind of transportation services are available in every country sothat it removed the way of travel system. In conclusion, globalization brings lot of fortune at the same time it reduced the countries ' identity.
Modern technological era has
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accelares
the economic success although its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact should not
be refused
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in this buzz world, proliferation of economic success mitigate the unemployment rate after the
Did you mean "18th"?
18 th
centuries. European's presence towards the third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have brought
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
development of economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
education, transportation, business,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, way of living and religion. They have established
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
This word is normally spelled as one.
multi national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, cooperation and branches in their colonial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. After the technological advancement, it evolved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way. Domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
was real hammering after the
Possible spelling mistake found.
foregin
investment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete against the thrived industries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
which can not afford to do this, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money from
Possible spelling mistake found.
equlitarium
such as IMF, WB and developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nations with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of international collaboration.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
nations depend on international institutions, although it affects their sovereignty in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

In contrast
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food industries such as KFC, MC and cuisines like Taiwan,
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indian
,
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chinese
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, in most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. They established their branches to enhance their wealth.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sothat
domestic food, traditional method of cooking lost their preference and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for special occasions such as birthday, weddings,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to gather and new year.

Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, traditions, norms, rituals, language and religion.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
the globalization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
mixed other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and religious activity in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we
Did you mean "can't" or "cannot"?
cant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the originality of the
Did you mean "countrie's" or "countries'"?
countries's
value and customs. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
curriculum includes foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
subjects and languages in their educational system.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sothat
it removed the traditional educational method and vernacular language.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
kind of transportation services are available in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Possible spelling mistake found.
sothat
it removed the way of travel system.
In conclusion
, globalization brings
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
fortune at the same time it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
identity.
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IELTS essay Globalization is positive for economics but its negative sides should not be ignored

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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