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it is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents for instance for sports are music and others are not however it is sometimes claimed that any type can be taught to become a good sportsperson a musician is getting both views and give your own opinion.

it is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents for instance for sports are music and others are not however it is sometimes claimed that any type can be taught to become a good sportsperson a musician is getting both views and give your own opinion. lPaQ
Many people are lucky enough to born with natural talents while others practice hard to be what they want. Some celebrities state that their talent comes from genetics. However, any children can be the best athlete or the most successful soprano as long as they train hard since their childhood. First of all, many people argue that talent comes within family. I think it's somehow true, as we can see a child of soldier becomes army, a child of professor turns out to be a teacher and a child of a doctor follows his footsteps to be like him. so I believe genetic factors affect on children's growth and leads them to be like their parents. Secondly, not every children follow their parents footstep; some choose to be what they want are they just follow their hobby. Children starts to discover their place of interest as soon as the grows. Even if they are not perfect at a certain aspects they can succeed in that field if they work hard. For instance a child who was interested on boxing took several years of training and became a renown face. So it's all about dedication hard work and practice to be successful person even if they are not born with natural talents. To sum up, I strongly believe that either born with talents are not, any person can be whatever they want as long as they get enough opportunity, training and guidelines. Inherence of parents may work in some children but most of them must work hard to be successful.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are lucky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to born with natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
while others practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to be what they want.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
celebrities state that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from genetics.
However
, any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be the best athlete or the most successful soprano as long as they train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
since their childhood.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
within family. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's somehow true, as we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
of soldier becomes army, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
of professor turns out to be a teacher and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
of a doctor follows his footsteps to be like him.
Use a comma before 'so' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
so
I believe genetic factors
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on children's growth and leads them to be like their parents.

Secondly
, not every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
follow their parents footstep;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
choose to be what they want are they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
follow their hobby.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to discover their place of interest as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as the
The word 'grows' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "growth"?
grows
. Even if they are not perfect at a certain
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "aspect"?
aspects
they can succeed in that field if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
.
For instance
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
who
was interested
on boxing took several years of training and became a renown face.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it's all about dedication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and practice to be successful person even if they are not born with natural talents.

To sum up, I
strongly
believe that either born with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
are not, any person can be whatever they want as long as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
opportunity, training and guidelines.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Inherence
of parents may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to be successful.
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IELTS essay it is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents for instance for sports are music and others are not however it is sometimes claimed that any type can be taught to become a good sportsperson a musician is getting both views and give your own opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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