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It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children & teenagers.therefore,physical education & sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think?

Childhood education has always paved way for debates among people pertaining to the contents of the curriculum. However, people have distinctive thoughts on making physical education and sport compulsory for schools. In my arsenal of opinions I support with the statement. A quick perussal of this issue at hand would throw up some serious reasons supporting my opinion. Initially physical education and sports can provide a deciplined personal life. For instance, students will focus on their health. Moreover, this mentality can keep them away from modern afflictions which are mainly due to inactivity. Another point is that through such decipline and health practices obesity among children can be best avoid. Meanwile it also reduces the risk of childhood heart attacks. For instance, according to the recent statistical study done by a renowned sports magazine among the schools with compulsory physical education and sport prooved that their are no students with obesity or cardiac problems. However, this study is the proof to opinion. On the other hand, there are some factors that contadict my opinion. To begin with, a student with pre-existing medical condition can not be forced to do physical activities. Moreover, it can lead to initiate other severe problems to the child. In addition, if sports becomes compulsory in schools, students will loose their interests in accademics. As a result it can have a negative impact in student accademic career. To conclude, Having considered both sides, it seems ever-so-sensible to register my opinion to the statement that, physical education and sports must be mandatory on schools. Despite the intricate tapestry of arguments delicately woven against the same.
Childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has always paved way for debates among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
pertaining to the contents of the curriculum.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have distinctive thoughts on making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
compulsory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. In my arsenal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
I support with the statement.

A quick
Possible spelling mistake found.
perussal
of this issue at hand would throw up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious reasons supporting my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
.
Initially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can provide a
Possible spelling mistake found.
deciplined
personal life.

For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will focus on their health.
Moreover
, this mentality can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them away from modern afflictions which are
mainly
due to inactivity. Another point is that through such
Possible spelling mistake found.
decipline
and health practices obesity among children can be best avoid.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Meanwile
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of childhood heart attacks.

For instance
, according to the recent statistical study done by a renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
magazine among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
with compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake found.
prooved
that
Did you mean “there”?
their
are no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with obesity or cardiac problems.
However
, this study is the proof to opinion.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors that
Possible spelling mistake found.
contadict
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
with pre-existing medical condition can not
be forced
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.
Moreover
, it can lead to initiate other severe problems to the child.

In addition
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
becomes compulsory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
Did you mean “lose” (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their interests in
Possible spelling mistake found.
accademics
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result it can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
Possible spelling mistake found.
accademic
career.

To conclude
, Having considered both sides, it seems ever-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-sensible to register my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
to the statement that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be mandatory on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Despite the intricate tapestry of arguments
delicately
woven against the same.
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IELTS essay It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children & teenagers. therefore, physical education & sport should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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