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It is considered that by some people, students should decide their own field which they will study in university.

It is considered that by some people, students should decide their own field which they will study in university. MGVQ
It is considered that by some people, students should decide their own field which they will study in university. While there are others who think only jobs which will be more demanded in future should be permitted to students. In my opinion, the free decision of students is good for their own approach to the field, at the same time constraining the subjects is beneficial for the future of country and individual. On the one hand, every student has dissimilar priorities, characteristic features and dreams that are influential in their decisions. While some students are skilled in math, others are able to comprehend the history easily. If government constrains the subjects that are thought by some to lose their essentiality, it could affect the performance and enthusiasm of the students who used to interest in these subjects. For instance, there are people who do not tend to do their job with passion, because they have not graduated from the field which they wanted to study. On the other hand, government should only allow the subjects that have potential in order to diminish the rate of unemployment. From notion of education to job requirements, everything has been changed through the advancement of technology. To prove the statement, people who graduated from the fields which have encountered with the jeopardy of disappearing suffer from finding a good job. According to preserve next generation from mentioned danger, the certain group of subjects should be avoided. I assume that although reducing the unemployment rate is necessary for the country, students should choose their own goal. Because there are also other ways to prevent this problem, and fields which can not keep pace with the requirements of the modern world will be vanished gradually. In conclusion, both views have their own right aspects, and the significance of this topic can change in the near future with the rapid improvement of technology.
It
is considered
that by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should decide their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
which they will study in university.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
there are others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which will be more demanded in future should
be permitted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In my opinion, the free decision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
approach to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, at the same time constraining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is beneficial for the future of country and individual.

On the one hand, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has dissimilar priorities, characteristic features and dreams that are influential in their decisions. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are skilled
in math, others are able to comprehend the history
easily
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
constrains the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to lose their
Possible spelling mistake found.
essentiality
, it could affect the performance and enthusiasm of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to interest in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not tend to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with passion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have not graduated from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
which they wanted to study.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that have potential in order to diminish the rate of unemployment. From notion of education to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requirements, everything has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
through the advancement of technology. To prove the statement,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
graduated from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
which have encountered with the jeopardy of disappearing suffer from finding a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. According to preserve
next
generation from mentioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
, the certain group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be avoided
.

I assume that although reducing the unemployment rate is necessary for the country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
goal.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
which can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
pace with the requirements of the modern world will
be vanished
gradually
.

In conclusion
, both views have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
right aspects, and the significance of this topic can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the near future with the rapid improvement of technology.
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IELTS essay It is considered that by some people, students should decide their own field which they will study in university.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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