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It is commonly seen that families are not close as they used to be give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought close together

It is commonly seen that the families are not close as they suppose to be. According to my point of view this is mainly due to Nuclear family system as well as pursual of higher education from international countries. Initially, one of the main cause that the families are not close as before is due to the concept of a nuclear family. In this type only parents and their children are included and there by they do not get a chance to mingle with their relatives which can make them even unaware of their immediate relatives and also reduces the bondage with them. For example, in western countries the children who are bought up in nuclear families have difficulty to identify their first cousins. Moreover, the gap in the families today is due to higher education done in countries other than home countries. As a competitive world today most of the parents prefer their children to do education in international countries where the time zone they follow will have a difference of about twelve to twenty four hours compared to their native land which in turn makes communication further harder. For instance, children settled in USA for studies must contact parents mostly at untimes for them. On the other hand, family bondage could be enhanced by the advanced communication tools. Nowadays the modern technologies of communications are available cost effectively by which people can contact their families at anytime which in turn are more clear and is a substitute for direct communication. To quote, an example the Zoom app available today have reduced the distance among family. In conclusion, it is seen that the families are not as close as before they used to be due to the nuclear family system and also as an impact of pursuing higher education in western countries. This can certainly be overcomed by improving communication indirectly with advanced technologies.
It is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are not close as they suppose to be. According to my point of view this is
mainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to Nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
system
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
pursual
of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from international countries.

Initially
, one of the main cause that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are not close as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the concept of a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In this type
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
parents and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are included
and there by they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to mingle with their relatives which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them even unaware of their immediate relatives and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the bondage with them.
For example
, in western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
up in nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have difficulty to identify their
first
cousins.

Moreover
, the gap in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
done in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
other than home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a competitive world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
most of the parents prefer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where the time zone they follow will have a difference of about twelve to
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
twenty four
hours compared to their native land which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
further
harder.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
settled
A determiner is probably missing here: “in the USA”.
in USA
for studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
contact parents
mostly
at
Possible spelling mistake found.
untimes
for them.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bondage could
be enhanced
by the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
tools. Nowadays the modern technologies of communications are available cost
effectively
by which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can contact their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
at anytime which in turn are more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and is a substitute for direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
. To quote, an example the Zoom app available
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the distance among family.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are not as close as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
system and
also
as an impact of pursuing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This can
certainly
be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “overcame”, the past tense form of the verb ‘overcome’?
overcomed
by improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
indirectly
with advanced technologies.
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IELTS essay It is commonly seen that families are not close as they used to be give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought close together

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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