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It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days, most of the people think that technology, modern culture and friend circle influenced children lives. While other accepted that parents are predominant part of children’s development. This essay will discuss both the views and argue in the favour of the latter. On the one hand, in this new era, technology puts great impact on children lives. Through the new technology, children find new ways to learn everything. They can learn or grab any desired skill by the easy use of technology gadgets like smart phones, tablets and many more. Which ultimately make them more confident and talented. Along with this, peers are also plays important role in children behaviour development. Young one’s easily influenced by their friends and consequently copies their behaviour. For instance, they demand same toys as their friends have. On the other hand, parents are inseparable part of child’s life. They are the foundation of their child’s behaviour and character. Parents guide their children and show them directions. They act like pillars in the hardship of their child’s life. Parents are the first teachers to every child and they give them comfortable environment, which consequently helps in nurturing their character in good way. Moreover, parents also teach them about setting boundaries. In my opinion, children’s choice of books, media, and friends depend on the values given by their parents. Therefore, parents hold an important role in children development. In conclusion, the technology and outer world impact children’s social development. However, parents are the one’s who lay down the foundation of their child’s development at very young age.
These days, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, modern culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
circle influenced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are predominant part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. This essay will discuss both the views and argue in the
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favour’ is British English.
favour
of the latter.

On the one hand, in this new era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
puts great impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Through the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
find new ways to learn everything. They can learn or grab any desired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
by the easy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
gadgets like
Nowadays it’s more common to write this as one word.
smart phones
, tablets and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. Which
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more confident and talented. Along with this, peers are
also
plays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. Young one’s
easily
influenced by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
consequently
copies their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
.
For instance
, they demand same toys as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
have.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are inseparable part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
life. They are the foundation of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
and character.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them directions. They act like pillars in the hardship of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are the
first
teachers to every
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
child and
they give them comfortable environment, which
consequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in nurturing their character in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
teach them about setting boundaries.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
choice of books, media, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
depend on the values
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
hold an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
development.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and outer world impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the one’s who lay down the foundation of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age.
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IELTS essay It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.