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It is common today for each member of the family to have their own piece of modern technology (smartphones, tablets or laptops). Some people think this will lead to a breakdown in family relationships and communication. To what extent do you agree with this view?

It is common today for each member of the family to have their own piece of modern technology (smartphones, tablets or laptops). Some people think this will lead to a breakdown in family relationships and communication. AaNdX
It is now fairly common for family members to have their own personal devices. Although some individuals fear that technological advancements would make people less intimate with their families and make it more difficult to have face-to-face conversations. I completely agree that contemporary technology has exacerbated interpersonal interactions. On the one hand, I agree that modern facilities will disrupt family life. First and foremost, individuals always want to return home after a long day at work to spend quality time with their families, but for a variety of personal reasons, we all dedicate our full attention to our laptop or smartphone screens rather than the present moment during dinners or meetings. With the assistance of today's modern technology (smartphones, tablets), anyone may quickly look for fully intriguing amusing resources (online games, new music, flicks), which provide world enjoyment for them in addition to interacting with their parents or siblings. However, I believe that owing to modern methods, family members' attachment is continually tightened. First, for people who work away from home and are unable to communicate with their families owing to geographical distance, smartphones now allow them to converse and share with close relatives. Second, for those who are too preoccupied with their jobs, special modes of communication become a valuable tool for them to inquire about, encourage, and support their children or parents. As a result, love between people living in the same house gets more affluent. In conclusion, despite spending time on the phone, a person can spend time with their family. I believe that removing personal current electronic devices from the equation is the greatest way to emphasize strong relationships and communication.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
fairly
common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal devices. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals fear that technological advancements would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
less intimate with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more difficult to have face-to-face conversations. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that contemporary technology has exacerbated interpersonal interactions.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that modern facilities will disrupt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life.
First
and foremost, individuals always want to return home after a long day at work to spend quality time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for a variety of personal reasons, we all dedicate our full attention to our laptop or smartphone screens
rather
than the present moment during dinners or meetings. With the assistance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern technology (smartphones, tablets), anyone may
quickly
look for
fully
intriguing amusing resources (online games, new music, flicks), which provide world enjoyment for them
in addition
to interacting with their parents or siblings.

However
, I believe that owing to modern methods,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members' attachment is
continually
tightened.
First
, for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work away from home and are unable to communicate with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
owing to geographical distance, smartphones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to converse and share with close relatives. Second, for those who are too preoccupied with their jobs, special modes of communication become a valuable tool for them to inquire about, encourage, and support their children or parents.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more affluent.

In conclusion
, despite spending time on the phone, a person can spend time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I believe that removing personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
electronic devices from the equation is the greatest way to emphasize strong relationships and communication.
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IELTS essay It is common today for each member of the family to have their own piece of modern technology (smartphones, tablets or laptops). Some people think this will lead to a breakdown in family relationships and communication.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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