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It is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save money for the future

It is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save money for the future 6xpjB
In this modern world everyone is working hard to earn money for their survival, it is very difficult to make money and we have lot of commitments in our life. So, we have use our fund very wisely, for that, one should spend money for the future rather on pleasure thinks like vacation or traveling. To support, statement I want to give some my own experiences. First of all, most of us are middle class family and have lots of commitments towards our life. For example, I have lot of people who dependent on me-my nice everytimes requires money for pay her tuition and hostel fees which more important for me. Some of my family member going get marry, so should arrange handsome money the function. In this situation how can spend the money lavishly? . May be, vacation gives physical satisfactions but not fulfill the mind which emotional sentiment for me. Secondly, To get obtain good health, we need some surety that in old we can manage our health. In order to do so we need such as insurance and so on which necessary in today's world, for that we need money. Who will take care of us in oldage. It is true that- going to different part of the country gives some sort real world experience and knowledge but what about future that will become question mark. Further, to led the health food habit we need money, for example, to get the organic food money twice than normal food items. Thirdly, to give better education to our kids. If, we want our children well educated person then-we should join them like international school rather than ordinary school which so expensive in today's lifestyle. So, we have spend the money wisely than traveling here and there. of course some kind of relaxation and we can relief from stress but what about our kid's life in future. We should have anticipation for their struggle, for that need more money and resources. Finally, to give donation and establish our business we need money. Some previllage children like disabled kids there in my society, I want to help them and educate them, so I need money. Because, I save last ten years earning, today-i can open the rehabilitation center otherwise that will be my day dream. This rehabilitation more psychological, socio-economical pleasure which great than the physical happiness in my point of view. To conclude, in order to fulfil our commitments, to give education, to establish our profession and to help other, everyone must save their money for future rather than for vacation which gives only the physical happiness not the mental satisfaction which is needed specially for Indian society.
In this modern world everyone is working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their survival, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
we have
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
commitments in our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our fund
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
wisely
, for that, one should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
rather
on pleasure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
like vacation or traveling. To support, statement I want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiences.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, most of us are middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
family and have lots of commitments towards our life.
For example
, I have
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a dependent".
who dependent
on me-my nice
Possible spelling mistake found.
everytimes
requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for pay her tuition and hostel fees which more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for me.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of my family member going
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
marry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
should arrange handsome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
the function. In this situation how can spend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
lavishly
?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
May be, vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
physical satisfactions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not fulfill the mind which emotional sentiment for me.

Secondly
, To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obtain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
surety that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
we can manage our health. In order to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
such as insurance and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on which necessary in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, for that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
“Who” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Who
will take care of us in
Possible spelling mistake found.
oldage
. It is true that- going to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
part of the country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort real world experience and knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
that will become question mark.
Further
, to led the health food habit we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
for example
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the organic food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
twice than normal food items.

Thirdly
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
better education to our kids.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
, we want our children
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
person then-we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
them like international school
rather
than ordinary school which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
expensive in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we have
Use past participle here: "spent".
spend
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Use "(wisely)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
wisely
than traveling here and there.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
course
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
relaxation and
we
The word 'relief' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
can relief
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what about our kid's life in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. We should have anticipation for their struggle, for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and resources.

Finally
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
donation and establish our business we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Possible spelling mistake found.
previllage
children like disabled kids there in my society, I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them and educate them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, I save last ten years earning,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
-i can open the rehabilitation center
otherwise
that will be my day dream. This rehabilitation more psychological,
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-economical
pleasure which great than the physical happiness in my point of view.

To conclude
, in order to fulfil our commitments, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
education, to establish our profession and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
other, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
rather
than for vacation which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the physical happiness not the mental satisfaction which
is needed
specially
for Indian society.
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IELTS essay It is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save money for the future

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
448 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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