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It is better to have various skills in order to succeed.

It is better to have various skills in order to succeed. b35Vq
In modern society, due to low employment, people tend to encounter several hardships in attaining employment. According to the National Statistics Office, in the year 2021, half of the Korean population have no occupation. Whereas the consensus view seems that it is better to specialize in a certain area, I am a firm believer that folks should possess various skills to guarantee success in their lives. I will delineate my perspective in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, more job opportunities are provided by companies on the condition that applicants have several skills. A versatile person is likely to adapt to any kind of environment, even the most extreme one. My own experience is a compelling demonstration to exemplify my thoughts. A few months before graduating from Gordon College, I made an appointment with a career counselor to discuss my future occupations. After viewing all my grades and achievement, she assumed that I will encounter no difficulties finding work place. This is mainly due to the fact that I managed to develop various skills during my days in college. As the counselor expected, after a few days of my graduation, several companies invited me to take a role in their company. On top of that, having various talents is advantageous in profiting a colossal amount of money. This is because, generally speaking, companies value versatile people and endeavor to these folks and put their best effort not to lose these kinds of people. For this reason, companies will provide high salary to convince these people to enroll in their companies. My brother is the epitome to elaborate on my thoughts. My brother attended Apple company after graduating from Harvard University. At first, his role in the company was to organize materials with computers. However, when his boss figured out that he had skills in assorted aspects, the manager gradually provided with several other roles. Since he possesses various kinds of skills, he immediately got promoted, and his salary increased dramatically.
In modern society, due to low employment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to encounter several hardships in attaining employment. According to the National Statistics Office, in the year 2021, half of the Korean population have no occupation. Whereas the consensus view seems that it is better to specialize in a certain area, I am a firm believer that folks should possess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to guarantee success in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I will delineate my perspective in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, more job opportunities
are provided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
on the condition that applicants have several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. A versatile person is likely to adapt to any kind of environment, even the most extreme one. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling demonstration to exemplify my thoughts. A few months
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
graduating from Gordon College, I made an appointment with a career counselor to discuss my future occupations. After viewing all my grades and achievement, she assumed that I will encounter no difficulties finding work place. This is
mainly
due to the fact that I managed to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
during my days in college. As the counselor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
, after a few days of my graduation, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
invited me to take a role in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

On top of that
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
talents is advantageous in profiting a colossal amount of money. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
generally
speaking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
value versatile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and endeavor to these folks and put their best effort not to lose these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will provide high salary to convince these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enroll in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. My brother is the epitome to elaborate on my thoughts. My brother attended Apple
The singular proper name 'Apple' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "companies", "companied".
company
after graduating from Harvard University. At
first
, his role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
was to organize materials with computers.
However
, when his boss figured out that he had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in assorted aspects, the manager
gradually
provided with several other roles. Since he possesses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, he immediately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
promoted, and his salary increased
dramatically
.
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IELTS essay It is better to have various skills in order to succeed.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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