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It is better for children to follow their parents' career instead of beginning a new job v.1

It is better for children to follow their parents' career instead of beginning a new job v. 1
The purpose behind making the traffic rules of government is to reduce the chances of accidents and improve the safety of the people travelling on roads. Along with rules government also enforce punishments for not obeying the rules. I personally assert on the fact that if public will be given stricter punishments for driving offences that will reduce the probability of accidents on the road. Driving safely on the roads is really important as this a matter of someone's life and death. Enforcement of hard punishments on people who are not following traffic rules is a most important tool to maintain harmony on roads. One should maintain road discipline while driving. However, for the people who do rash driving on roads such as youngsters the only way to educate them is by imposing heavy penalties and fine. As per a survey most of the people follow the rules only of fear of punishment. If they are not under any pressure of punishment they will not do what they are suppose to do. Hence, in my opinion the best way to maintain smooth roads is by application of rigid punishments. On the contrary, some believe that giving strict punishments is not the only way to improve the road safety. It can also be done by bringing awareness among the citizens about their duties to obey traffic rules. It is not duty of only government to maintain harmony on the roads, but also of the citizens. To conclude, I would say that hard punishments are really important for making people understand the importance of obeying traffic rules, and the same will reduce dangerous accidents on roads. Although, driving safely is also one's personal responsibility.
The purpose behind making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the chances of accidents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the safety of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travelling on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. Along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
enforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
for not obeying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
. I
personally
assert on the fact that if public will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
stricter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the probability of accidents on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Driving
safely
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as this a matter of someone's life and death.

Enforcement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
is a most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tool to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
maintain
harmony on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. One should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
discipline while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
.
However
, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do rash
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
such as youngsters the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
way to educate them is by imposing heavy penalties and fine.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
per a survey most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
of fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they are not under any pressure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
they will not do what they are
Consider using a past participle here: "supposed".
suppose
to do.
Hence
, in my opinion the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
maintain
smooth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
is by application of rigid punishments.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that giving strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
safety. It can
also
be done
by bringing awareness among the citizens about their duties to obey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
. It is not duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
maintain
harmony on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
of the citizens.

To conclude
, I would say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand the importance of obeying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, and the same will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
accidents on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
safely
is
also
one's personal responsibility.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for children to follow their parents' career instead of beginning a new job v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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