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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement It is beneficial for the public to know celebrities such as musicians or sportsmen s political views

It is beneficial for the public to know celebrities such as musicians or sportsmen s political views WyGK0
In this advanced world in which we live, there is much information and data which goes around us. Every day, we see a lot of news about the celebrities or hear through the radio or TV. While some people ignore this news and believe that they are just trash, others, like me, disagree. I concur that we should follow our well-known politicians, musicians and sportsmen’s idea. In the following essay, I will elaborate on my point of view. First, many times those celebrities show a positive attitude and share an invaluable insight about our contemporary daily issues, which can affect our life. Since their voice is heard better than general people's voice, they have a power which helps them be impressive. Those famous people generally have done their duty well in their life, which causes people attracted to them. Those positive aspects of their thought and their action can encourage many folks to behave well. To put into perspective, I know some celebrities in India that they influence their society wonderfully. One of them, named Akbar Khan, recently establish a Non-Profit Organization to help needy people in far-reaching area in New Delhi. Many of his fans follow him in this humanitarian action and in a short time, they made a hospital and a school in the undeveloped community of India. As we can see, knowing about those celebrities character and thought may provide us an excellent opportunity to do an outstanding movement. Second, celebrities have the power of influence the people thought through the media. In this interwoven era, every sound will be heard as soon as possible, especially if it stems from a famous person. Those politicians, athletes and artists are affecting the whole people, even more than the governments and other authorities. Authorities look at the celebrities as a representative of folks. Furthermore, many times authorities and celebrities accompany in a different issue. When we be aware of our celebrities’ point of view, we can affect them through their social media appearance such as Facebook. Consequently, we can affect celebrities’ idea and then our authorities by giving them our feedback. I remember last two years, in Turkey, one celebrity that has a very strong communication with people, organized a virtual campaign to motivate governor to change their decision. The Turkey Government wanted to change a historical park to a parking lot, but that movement with the athlete’s leadership cause the government accept the people’s idea. In sum, I believe that our celebrities’ mindset is important, and we should know them. This is because that they affect their followers through their social communication power that they have. They have many positive virtues which worth to know about them. Furthermore, we can affect our governors through our celebrities connection since their voice is heard faster and easier than ours.
In this advanced world in which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, there is much information and data which goes around us. Every day, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
news about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
or hear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the radio or TV. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
this news and believe that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
trash, others, like me, disagree. I concur that we should follow our well-known politicians, musicians and sportsmen’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. In the following essay, I will elaborate on my point of view.

First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude and share an invaluable insight about our contemporary daily issues, which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
our life. Since their voice
is heard
better than general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's voice, they have a power which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them be impressive. Those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
have done their duty well in their life, which causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attracted to them. Those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and their action can encourage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
folks to behave well. To put into perspective, I know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
in India that they influence their society
wonderfully
. One of them, named Akbar Khan, recently establish a Non-Profit Organization to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in far-reaching area in New Delhi.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of his fans follow him in this humanitarian action and in a short time, they made a hospital and a school in the undeveloped community of India. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, knowing about those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
character and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
may provide us an excellent opportunity to do an outstanding movement.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have the power of influence the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the media. In this interwoven era, every sound will
be heard
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible,
especially
if it stems from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person. Those politicians, athletes and artists are affecting the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, even more than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Authorities
look at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
as a representative of folks.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
accompany in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
issue. When we be aware of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
point of view, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
their social media appearance such as Facebook.
Consequently
, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and then our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
by giving them our feedback. I remember last two years, in Turkey, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
that has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong communication with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, organized a virtual campaign to motivate governor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their decision. The Turkey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
a historical park to a parking lot,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that movement with the athlete’s leadership cause the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
accept the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

In sum, I believe that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
mindset is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, and we should know them. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
their followers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
their social communication power that they have. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
virtues which worth to know about them.
Furthermore
, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
our governors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
connection since their voice
is heard
faster and easier than ours.
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IELTS essay It is beneficial for the public to know celebrities such as musicians or sportsmen s political views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
469 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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