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It is beneficial for teenagers to receive pocket money from theirs parents

It is beneficial for teenagers to receive pocket money from theirs parents kxyw2
Nowadays, society is growing. Therefore, money plays an important role in our life because no one can live without it. Someone said that: "It is beneficial for teenagers to receive pocket money from their parents" and I absolutely agree with this idea. The reasons that make me believe in receive money is beneficial for teenagers is it helps them get more independent in their life. As the teenagers can spend their money on sensible things for themselves. Furthermore, in my view, give your children money can help them realize the value of money. Because it is arduous to make money so they will use it responsibly. On the other hand, there still lots of teenagers waste their parents money on unnecessary things such as: buy a lot of clothes, computer games, fast food, their idols and so on. And these things make some parents scared of giving money. In my opinion, receive pocket money is beneficial for teenagers is quite useful. However, it still has some dangerous things to do it. But, it will be fine if the parents teach them how to use, how to manage money before giving them. I think that your children can be understanding the value of money and learn to save it. Finally, I am definitely convinced that teenagers will spend money as well as possible. In addition, I hope the parents can believe and be in accord with their children.
Nowadays, society is growing.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without it. Someone said that:
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
It is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to receive pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their parents
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

The reasons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me believe in receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
is it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more independent in their life. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on sensible things for themselves.
Furthermore
, in my view, give your children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them realize the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it is arduous to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
responsibly
.

On the other hand
, there
still
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on unnecessary things such as:
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
clothes, computer games,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, their idols and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. And these things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
scared of giving money.

In my opinion, receive pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
is quite useful.
However
, it
still
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
things to do it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it will be fine if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
teach them how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, how to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving them. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that your children can
The verb 'understanding' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
be understanding
the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and learn to save it.

Finally
, I am definitely convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as well
as possible.
In addition
, I hope the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can believe and be in accord with their children.

IELTS essay It is beneficial for teenagers to receive pocket money from theirs parents

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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