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It is believed that government should give more funds into health education rather than health services. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that government should give more funds into health education rather than health services. AAxn
A ratio of diseases increasing day by day, therefore health is prominence aspect in human life. On perception of many people, government should invest more in educating humans with how to prevent diseases than providing healthcare services. I partially believe with writer’s notion and my inclinations are articulated in forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, in today’s generation where people are mostly eating junk food; increasing in diseases ratios are main concern for humans. Nowadays, humans have more knowledge about health to overcome or prevent diseases. There are numerous diseases which can affect human body in certain ways, to prevent that, people are adopting several diet plans and nutrient foods to live long heathy life. Therefore, from last few years, death ratio has gradually decreased. Furthermore, some diseases are like it could not be cure such as: cancer or it could stay long in human’s body like: diabetes, high blood pressure which eventually resulting in to death. Therefore, people pave their ways to healthy food and take various precaution to prevent them. For instance, recent pandemic situation where people are wearing mask, gloves and do sanitize hands to prevent from virus. In spite of that, not only awareness of diseases is important, but also healthcare services are as much prominent. Though people take precautions, some foreseen illness are still coming; hence, investing in healthcare services are equally significant. Besides that, there are some rural areas which are out of from getting health service and their people have to go miles away for treating illness. To reiterate, Health awareness in people has majorly changed life style of people and their views thus, it is true that precautions are better option than cure it. Even so, investing funds in health care services also as much significant.
A ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
increasing day by day,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is prominence aspect in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life. On perception of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest more in educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
with how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
than providing healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. I
partially
believe with writer’s notion and my inclinations
are articulated
in forthcoming paragraphs.

To commence with, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
mostly
eating junk food; increasing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
ratios are main concern for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
have more knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
to overcome or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. There are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
body in certain ways, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are adopting several diet plans and nutrient foods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
long
Possible spelling mistake found.
heathy
life.
Therefore
, from last few years, death ratio has
gradually
decreased.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are like it could not be
Consider using a past participle here: "cured".
cure
such as: cancer or it could stay long in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
body like: diabetes, high blood pressure which
eventually
resulting in to death.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pave their ways to healthy food and take various precaution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
them.
For instance
, recent pandemic situation where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are wearing mask, gloves and do sanitize hands to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevent
from virus.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
that, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are as much prominent. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take precautions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
foreseen illness are
still
coming;
hence
, investing in healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are
equally
significant.
Besides
that, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rural areas which are out of from getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go miles away for treating illness.

To reiterate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
awareness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
majorly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
life style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their views
thus
, it is true that precautions are better option than cure it. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, investing funds in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
also
as much significant.
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IELTS essay It is believed that government should give more funds into health education rather than health services.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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