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It is believed that achieving ones aim depends mostly on luck. Do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that achieving ones aim depends mostly on luck. 8dOoG
It has been affirm by a lot of people that becoming successful in life is been lucky. I totally disagree with this point of view. To begin with, hard work and dedication pays a lot. this means, being lazy around praying and waiting for free opportunity without indulging and putting your best in what you do will definitely result too failure. For instance some that is prepare to write he or her IELTs exam fails to prepare and he is waiting for miracle on the day of the exam will end up having low score when the result comes out. Secondly, people who plans too get married need to be financially ready and stable. To clarify this, they need to have certain amount of money in their possession that will be enough for their marriage and even after, Also the couple should not hope on individuals that will sponsor them with cash, they should have everything spelt out. To exemplify a couple that I know of depend sorely on his father in-law at the end of the day the Father never gave them any thing as expected and the marriage ended up in shame. In conclusion, well some people achieve greatly in life through good luck but great peak in life comes through hard work and commitments.
It has been
Consider using a past participle here: "affirmed".
affirm
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that becoming successful in life
is been
lucky. I
totally
disagree with this point of view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication pays a lot.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
means, being lazy around praying and waiting for free opportunity without indulging and putting your best in what you do will definitely result too failure.
For instance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that is
Consider using a past participle here: "prepared".
prepare
to write he or her
Possible spelling mistake found.
IELTs
exam fails to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
prepare and
he is waiting for miracle on the day of the exam will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up having low score when the result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
out.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "plan"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
plans
too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married need to be
financially
ready and stable. To clarify this, they need to have certain amount of money in their possession that will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for their marriage and even after,
Also
the couple should not hope on individuals that will sponsor them with cash, they should have everything
Possible spelling mistake. 'spelt' is British English.
spelt
out. To exemplify a couple that I know of depend
sorely
on his
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
father in-law
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day the Father never gave them
Did you mean "anything"?
any thing
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
and the marriage ended up in shame.

In conclusion
, well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
achieve
greatly
in life through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
luck
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
great peak in life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and commitments.
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IELTS essay It is believed that achieving ones aim depends mostly on luck.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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