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It is believed by some people that people will gain more benefits when engaging in individual sports like golf or tennis compared to team sports. Others, however, assert that it is better to participate in sports that require teamwork such as football. Both views are justifiable, but I personally lean towards the latter

It is believed by some people that people will gain more benefits when engaging in individual sports like golf or tennis compared to team sports. Others, however, assert that it is better to participate in sports that require teamwork such as football. Both views are justifiable, but I personally lean towards the latter KGqNk
It is believed by some people that people will gain more benefits when engaging in individual sports like golf or tennis compared to team sports. Others, however, assert that it is better to participate in sports that require teamwork such as football. Both views are justifiable, but I personally lean towards the latter On the one hand, there are some compelling reasons why solo sports are considered to be more beneficial than team sports. Firstly, people can develop their self-reliance through these sports. Those who participate in solo sport will have to develop autonomous thinking and make their own judgments because they do not get someone to help them during the game. Secondly, the success in individual spots relies on the efforts made by the athletes. Therefore, the athletes of these sports are given the motivation to endeavor to achieve their own goals. On the other hand, those who hold a belief that team sports are more advantageous given several reasons. The chief amongst them is team sports assist people to practice their soft skills. Take football as a real example, scoring a goal is a process that requires the ability of collaboration and communication of all members of the team. Nevertheless, the players will be taught the skills to work effectively in a team. Last but not least, team sports build up relationships among players. Friendship is formed among team athletes after their collaboration. In conclusion, although some people say that we should choose to play solo sports such as golf or tennis, I believe that team sports like football bring far more benefits.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will gain more benefits when engaging in individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like golf or tennis compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Others,
however
, assert that it is better to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that require teamwork such as football. Both views are justifiable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
lean towards the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
latter


On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
compelling reasons why solo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are considered
to be more beneficial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can develop their self-reliance through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Those who participate in solo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
develop autonomous thinking and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
judgments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
someone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them during the game.
Secondly
, the success in individual spots relies on the efforts made by the athletes.
Therefore
, the athletes of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the motivation to endeavor to achieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
goals.

On the other hand
, those who hold a belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are more advantageous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
several reasons. The chief amongst them is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to practice their soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Take football as a real example, scoring a goal is a process that requires the ability of collaboration and communication of all members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
Nevertheless
, the players will
be taught
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to work
effectively
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
build up relationships
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
players. Friendship
is formed
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
athletes after their collaboration.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that we should choose to play solo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as golf or tennis, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like football bring far more benefits.
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IELTS essay It is believed by some people that people will gain more benefits when engaging in individual sports like golf or tennis compared to team sports. Others, however, assert that it is better to participate in sports that require teamwork such as football. Both views are justifiable, but I personally lean towards the latter

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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