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It is argued that children do not receive feedback from their mother and father, while others believe that constant monitoring of children is important to keep them focused towards academics.

It is argued that children do not receive feedback from their mother and father, while others believe that constant monitoring of children is important to keep them focused towards academics. DKoE
It is argued that children do not receive feedback from their mother and father, while others believe that constant monitoring of children is important to keep them focused towards academics. In my opinion, I agree with the statement that children should be guided in case of studies. According to some people's belief, academics is essential part of children's life which is going to help them to earn their bread and butter at later stage. They should realize the essentialness of the fact that without skills they might not be able to become successful in their life. Moreover, in modern world parents do not have much time to devote towards their youngster due to thier busy schedule. So some parents often neglect their children but the same can have detrimental effect on them which they might regret at later stage. the other hand, there is regular watching over the academics of their offspring as they are highly worried about their future. Apart from this, due to their restriction and pressure most of the youngsters remain focused in their school life and this will help them to build great academic score. For instance, according to a research 6 out of 10 students are able to score higher marks ultimately resulting them to secure higher position in multinational companies. consequently constant monitoring shall be there to ensure smooth performance in academics. As far as I am concerned, parents are first teacher and well-wisher who wants that minimum hurdles shall be faced by their descendant. As they know better how to handle any situation they must try to understand any problem faced by their offspring and help him to overcome from that. To Conclude we can say that parents must keep an eye on children's performance on the contrary should not cross limits as it might change them in careless and stubborn.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not receive feedback from their mother and father, while others believe that constant monitoring of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them focused towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be guided
in case of studies. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's belief,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
is essential part of children's life which is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to earn their bread and butter at later stage. They should realize the
Possible spelling mistake found.
essentialness
of the fact that without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they might not be able to become successful in their life.
Moreover
, in modern world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not have much time to devote towards their youngster due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
busy schedule.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the same can have detrimental effect on them which they might regret at later stage.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
other hand, there is regular watching over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
of their offspring as they are
highly
worried about their future. Apart from this, due to their restriction and pressure most of the youngsters remain focused in their school life and this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to build great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
score.
For instance
, according to a research 6 out of 10 students are able to score higher marks
ultimately
resulting them to secure higher position in multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
consequently
constant monitoring shall be there to ensure smooth performance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
. As far as I
am concerned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
first
teacher and well-wisher who wants that minimum hurdles shall
be faced
by their descendant. As they know better how to handle any situation they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try to understand any problem faced by their offspring and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to overcome from that.
To Conclude
we can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on children's performance
on the contrary
should not cross limits as it might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
them in careless and stubborn.
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IELTS essay It is argued that children do not receive feedback from their mother and father, while others believe that constant monitoring of children is important to keep them focused towards academics.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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