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It is always better for the young people to get advice from the elderly than from other young people

It is always better for the young people to get advice from the elderly than from other young people bYMWg
Seniors' advices are much more better for young people than their compeer. I partly agree that the counsel which is given by old people is more useful than the consultation of young people. On the one hand, old people have almost full experience about life. So that their advices' disadvantages are less than the others and we can guarantee our bright future with those perfect advices which help to solve for having children or following a career or overcoming troubles. On the other hand, we should not forget that getting advices often depend on the situation too. Not always, can old people’s council help to the youngsters to remove the preclusions. To illustrate, Young pupils cannot get that kind of advice which belongs to the science of present time. Because, in the past period the education was much more different than the present time. Most facts which were right in the past are wrong now and on the contrary, the facts which were wrong are being defined as a fact. Moreover, most of the senior citizens are far from modern technologies. They almost do not use them and if something is out of order old people cannot help us. They cannot counsel us at that time because of less experience. In short, in these situations youngsters’ advices are more useful than the old people. In conclusion, young people should use the old people’s advices in their career, family environment and overcoming problems. But, they cannot help to young people to solve problems which belong to modern technologies and education.
Seniors'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advices
are much
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than their compeer. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the counsel which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
more useful than the consultation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have almost full experience about life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that their advices' disadvantages are less than the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
others and
we can guarantee our bright future with those perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advices
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to solve for having children or following a career or overcoming troubles.

On the other hand
, we should not forget that getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
depend on the situation too. Not always, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
council
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to the youngsters to remove the
Possible spelling mistake found.
preclusions
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
pupils cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
which belongs to the science of present time.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, in the past period the education was much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
the present time. Most facts which were right in the past are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and
on the contrary
, the facts which were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
are
being defined
as a fact.
Moreover
, most of the senior citizens are far from modern technologies. They almost do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them and if something is out of order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us. They cannot counsel us at that time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of less experience. In short, in these situations youngsters’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advices
are more useful than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advices
in their career, family environment and overcoming problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to solve problems which belong to modern technologies and education.
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IELTS essay It is always better for the young people to get advice from the elderly than from other young people

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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