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It is a good idea for teenagers to have a job while they are studying. To what extent you agree to this?

It is a good idea for teenagers to have a job while they are studying. m9rdK
It is often considered that having a job for teenagers is good while they are studying. Some people believe that it is not a good choice for a teenager. But I personally agree that it is good for them to have a job when they are studying. However, it got some disadvantages too. First of all, I believe that having a job for the teenagers while they studying makes them as a independent citizen. Also other benefits including independency, financial stability, able to manage their work and study, and they get to understand the dynamic world around them. Firstly, the students learn how to arrange time to combine and manage both work and study which is difficult. By once they learn how to arrange they will be able to manage their time in crucial times as well as they become more assertive in their life. Also learning money management in such small age make them more independent and having a financial stability. Both the sense make them a responsible citizen
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered that having a job for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
while they are studying.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them to have a job when they are studying.
However
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages too.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that having a job for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
while
Did you mean "they're studying", "they are studying", or "they were studying"?
they studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
independent citizen.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
other benefits including
Possible spelling mistake found.
independency
, financial stability, able to manage their work and study, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to understand the dynamic world around them.
Firstly
, the students learn how to arrange time to combine and manage both work and study which is difficult. By once they learn how to arrange they will be able to manage their time in crucial times
as well
as they become more assertive in their life.
Also
learning money management in such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more independent and having a financial stability. Both the sense
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a responsible
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
citizen

IELTS essay It is a good idea for teenagers to have a job while they are studying.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
169 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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