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Fathers should get paternity leave.agree or disagree?

Fathers should get paternity leave. agree or disagree? 5LK9B
Many now suggest that both mothers and fathers deserve leave from work after the birth of a child. In my opinion, though time off work for fathers is not as justified as it is for mothers, this policy is forward-thinking and advisable. Critics of such a policy claim that there is little physical justification for paternity leave. Few would argue that women should have time off in order to both establish an emotional connection with their child and to recover their physical strength for work. Men, however, do not suffer physical side-effects and therefore do not need time to recuperate before returning to work. They may require a period of time for emotional recovery but this claim is tenuous and difficult to support with clear evidence. Therefore, the norm in most countries is to prioritize workplace productivity and provide little or no contractually obligated paternity leave. However, fathers need time with their children and spouse to form strong emotional bonds for the good of all family members. In past generations, taking care of children and the home was the domain of mothers and men were defined primarily as earners. The recent shift in society that sees more women entering the workforce also recognizes for the emotional needs of men and its importance for the entire family unit. Research has shown that the single most important element of healthy childhood development is a loving and supportive home environment. The consequence is that fathers are now expected to be more involved in the child-rearing process. By staying home for several weeks or months after birth, they can become more active, helpful participants. In conclusion, despite the lack of physical justification, paternal leave is crucial for emotional reasons. When possible, governments and employers should advocate and extend this privilege to both parents equally.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
suggest that both mothers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
deserve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after the birth of a child. In my opinion, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
is not as justified as it is for mothers, this policy is forward-thinking and advisable.

Critics of such a policy claim that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
justification for paternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
. Few would argue that women should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off in order to both establish an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
connection with their child and to recover their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
,
however
, do not suffer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
Did you mean "side effects" (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
side-effects
and
therefore
do not need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to recuperate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
returning to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They may require a period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
recovery
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this claim is tenuous and difficult to support with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evidence.
Therefore
, the norm in most countries is to prioritize workplace productivity and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no
contractually
obligated paternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their children and spouse to form strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
bonds for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
of all family members. In past generations, taking care of children and the home was the domain of mothers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were defined
primarily
as earners. The recent shift in society that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
more women entering the workforce
also
recognizes for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
needs of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and its importance for the entire family unit. Research has shown that the single most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
element of healthy childhood development is a loving and supportive home environment. The consequence is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be more involved in the child-rearing process. By staying home for several weeks or months after birth, they can become more active, helpful participants.

In conclusion
, despite the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
justification, paternal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emotional
reasons. When possible,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and employers should advocate and extend this privilege to both parents
equally
.
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IELTS essay Fathers should get paternity leave. agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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