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It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

In my opinion starting your own business could be more beneficial for yourself in the long run instead of starting to climb the ladder at a nine to five hours office job. For a businessman filled with creativity and ideas, I think it’s a lot more comfortable to start their own company if they manage to find an investor, unless they have some savings to back the company themselves. Also, through long term a private company could be a lot more beneficial then getting a job at an office and trying to climb the ladder. In the beginning the business might produce less money, then a wage at a multi company, but eventually it could lead to much higher profits, but of course, unless you are very lucky at a multi company and manage to get a higher position at an early stage. The choice is up to the businessman to make, but it's about just the "comfort" or having to work less hours a week. They also get a lot more free space to work and by that I mean that they can accomplish their own ideas instead of having to do a strict job. By fulfilling your own dreams, you can reach self-realization a lot easier and I think that’s very important for everybody. As a summary I think a for a businessman who already has his own ideas it’s a lot better to start their own business, but someone who doesn’t really know yet what they want to do in their profession it might be better to start at an office, get some experience, realize what they want and then start their company. In my opinion starting a business at a young age can both be rewarding and also punishing. People only hear about the success stories, the startups that made it, the most accomplished ones. You never get to hear from the countless companies that went down the gutter, that people put money energy and effort into, but could not succeed. If one can make it, the rewards are huge, but it really is one out of a hundred out there. Some businesses can stay afloat with a little bit of profit, but those ones will never become big hits. When finishing high school people have to make a decision whether to start working, go to university or to start working for themselves. Each decision has its drawbacks, but the latter is the most unpredictable, so in essence you put your livelihood up to gamble when you go all in on a business idea. Of course being your own boss and being able to work on your own terms sounds appealing, but it also means the self-employed person has to have all the managing skills of someone whose whole job is to manage teams and a company. I myself could never picture taking that big of a risk in my early years. I plan to go to university and work with a big company, so my financial background is stable. I just believe that the possible risks outweigh the small chance of huge profit, and the feeling of freedom.
In my opinion starting your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
could be more beneficial for yourself in the long run
instead
of starting to climb the ladder at a nine to five hours office job.

For a businessman filled with creativity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it’s a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
more comfortable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
if they manage to find an investor, unless they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
savings to back the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
themselves.
Also
, through long term a private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
could be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
more beneficial
Did you mean “than”?
then
getting a job at an office and trying to climb the ladder. In the beginning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
might produce less money, then a wage at a multi
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eventually
it could lead to much higher profits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
of course
, unless you are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lucky at a multi
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and manage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher position at an early stage.

The choice is up to the businessman to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it's about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the
Use a smart opening quote here.
"
comfort
Use a smart closing quote here.
"
or having to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Did you mean “fewer hours”?
less hours
a week. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
more free space to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and by that I mean that they can accomplish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
instead
of having to do a strict job. By fulfilling your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
dreams, you can reach self-realization a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
easier and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everybody.

As a summary I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a for a businessman who already has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
it’s a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
someone who doesn’t
really
know
yet
what they want to do in their profession it might be better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
at an office,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experience, realize what they want and then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. In my opinion starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
at a young age can both be rewarding and
also
punishing.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hear about the success stories, the startups that made it, the most accomplished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. You never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to hear from the countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that went down the gutter, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
put money energy and effort into,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could not succeed. If one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it, the rewards are huge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
really
is one out of a hundred out there.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
can stay afloat with a
Reduce redundancy by using “little” or “bit”.
little bit
of profit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
will never become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
hits. When finishing high school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a decision whether to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
working, go to university or to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
working for themselves. Each decision has its drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the latter is the most unpredictable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in essence you put your livelihood up to gamble when you go all in on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
.
Of course
being your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
boss and being able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
terms sounds appealing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
means the self-employed person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
have all the managing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of someone whose whole job is to manage teams and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

I myself could never picture taking that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
in my early years. I plan to go to university and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
my financial background is stable.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
believe that the possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
chance of huge profit, and the feeling of freedom.

IELTS essay It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
523 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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