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It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

In my opinion starting a business at a young age can both be rewarding and also punishing. People only hear about the success stories, the startups that made it, the most accomplished ones. You never get to hear from the countless companies that went down the gutter, that people put money energy and effort into, but could not succeed. If one can make it, the rewards are huge, but it really is one out of a hundred out there. Some businesses can stay afloat with a little bit of profit, but those ones will never become big hits. When finishing high school people have to make a decision whether to start working, go to university or to start working for themselves. Each decision has its drawbacks, but the latter is the most unpredictable, so in essence you put your livelihood up to gamble when you go all in on a business idea. Of course being your own boss and being able to work on your own terms sounds appealing, but it also means the self-employed person has to have all the managing skills of someone whose whole job is to manage teams and a company. I myself could never picture taking that big of a risk in my early years. I plan to go to university and work with a big company, so my financial background is stable. I just believe that the possible risks outweigh the small chance of huge profit, and the feeling of freedom.
In my opinion starting a business at a young age can both be rewarding and
also
punishing.
People
only
hear about the success stories, the startups that made it, the most accomplished
ones
. You never
get
to hear from the countless
companies
that went down the gutter, that
people
put money energy and effort into,
but
could not succeed. If one can
make
it, the rewards are huge,
but
it
really
is one out of a hundred out there.
Some
businesses can stay afloat with a
little bit
of profit,
but
those
ones
will never become
big
hits. When finishing high school
people
have to
make
a decision whether to
start
working, go to university or to
start
working for themselves. Each decision has its drawbacks,
but
the latter is the most unpredictable,
so
in essence you put your livelihood up to gamble when you go all in on a business
idea
.
Of course
being your
own
boss and being able to work on your
own
terms sounds appealing,
but
it
also
means the self-employed person
has to
have all the managing
skills
of someone whose whole job is to manage teams and a
company
.

I myself could never picture taking that
big
of a
risk
in my early years. I plan to go to university and work with a
big
company
,
so
my financial background is stable.
I
just
believe that the possible
risks
outweigh the
small
chance of huge profit, and the feeling of freedom.
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IELTS essay It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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