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it has been suggested that everyone in the world wants to own a car, a TV and a fridge. Do you think the disadvantages of such a development outweigh advantages

it has been suggested that everyone in the world wants to own a car, a TV and a fridge. Do you think the disadvantages of such a development outweigh advantages QLV8X
It is believed that every person in the world wants to have materialistic things such as a car, a television and a refrigerator. Although this is a beneficial development, it has adverse effects too. To begin with the advantages, own car makes the travelling comfortable and speedy.  To be more precise, if people travel by their own car then they can use shortcuts to reach their destination. A person can store food in a refrigerator for long period of time. Also, a refrigerator is essential to store ice cream, Cakes and numerous other things. A television provides the information about the world and keep person updated with daily news. Moreover, a television entertains a person due to the fact nowadays various entertainment shows are broadcasting. On the other hand, there are a number of adverse effects. Firstly, if every person has own car then traffic on road increases. As a result, there will be more traffic jams on highways and also gases that emitted by vehicles can affect the environment. Secondly, refrigerator also affect the Ozone Layer by emitting gases. Furthermore, a television affect the children's health owing to the fact that there are a plethora of violent and vulgar shows telecast on TV which increase the crime rate among children. To conclude, I believe the advantage of having own car, a refrigerator and a TV outweigh the disadvantages.
It
is believed
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in the world wants to have materialistic things such as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refrigerator
. Although this is a beneficial development, it has adverse effects too.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the advantages,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the travelling comfortable and speedy.  To be more precise, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travel by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
then they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
shortcuts to reach their destination. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can store food in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refrigerator
for long period of time.
Also
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refrigerator
is essential to store ice cream, Cakes and numerous other things. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
provides the information about the world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
updated with daily news.
Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
entertains a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
due to the fact nowadays various entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
are broadcasting.

On the other hand
, there are a number of adverse effects.
Firstly
, if every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
then traffic on road increases.
As a result
, there will be more traffic jams on highways and
also
gases that emitted by vehicles can affect the environment.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refrigerator
also
affect the Ozone Layer by emitting gases.
Furthermore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
affect the children's health owing to the fact that there are a plethora of violent and vulgar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
telecast on TV which increase the crime rate among children.

To conclude
, I believe the advantage of having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refrigerator
and a TV outweigh the disadvantages.
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IELTS essay it has been suggested that everyone in the world wants to own a car, a TV and a fridge. Do you think the disadvantages of such a development outweigh advantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
229 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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