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It has been said that society is to blame for increasing youth crime . What is causing this trend ? Who should be responsible for dealing with it?

It has been said that society is to blame for increasing youth crime. What is causing this trend? Who should be responsible for dealing with it? p55N3
Regarding the sentence below, the society has a part of the blame but the majority of blame which are responsible for include the family education and educational system provide by community. First of all saying, the most crimes increasing nowadays are caused by the lack of education fallowing by the bunches of adolescents where majority of people are involves in their daily activities. For example: family play an important role in the education of an youth, while the educational system request a strong support in the adolescent growth. Additionally, the sentence of a youth crime can be raised as a concerned to the authorities which involved the police enforcement. The responsibility of a crime executed by an youth should be an concern for the family. For example: if the adolescent arrived home anxious and the family raised his concern, they will be the first witness of the incident.  As an result, the worriments should be mention afterwords to the police force and from that point the authorities take actions. To conclude, I believe the society has half of the quilt, whereas the other half is represented by the band which youths are involved in.
Regarding the sentence below, the society has a part of the blame
but
the majority of blame which are responsible for include the
family
education and educational system provide by community.

First of all
saying, the most crimes increasing nowadays
are caused
by the lack of education fallowing by the bunches of adolescents where majority of
people
are involves in their daily activities.
For example
:
family
play an
important
role in the education of
an
youth
, while the educational system request a strong support in the adolescent growth.
Additionally
, the sentence of a
youth
crime can
be raised
as a concerned to the authorities which involved the police enforcement.

The responsibility of a crime executed by
an
youth
should be
an
concern for the
family
.
For example
: if the adolescent arrived home anxious and the
family
raised his concern, they will be the
first
witness of the incident.  As
an
result, the
worriments
should be mention afterwords to the police force and from that point the authorities take actions.

To conclude
, I believe the society has half of the quilt, whereas the other half
is represented
by the band which youths
are involved
in.
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IELTS essay It has been said that society is to blame for increasing youth crime. What is causing this trend? Who should be responsible for dealing with it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
194 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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