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Is what people learn in M.E.S adequate for people to live a fulfilling life?

Is what people learn in M. E. S adequate for people to live a fulfilling life? leL2W
Education is one of a key factor decided that people will have a success life now and in the future. In the age of technology, MES makes man the smartest creature on earth and empowers humans and gets them ready to face challenges of life efficiently. Therefore, it is believed that modern education system will hold up people in making more money, expanding relationships and accessing to technology. First, the modern education system helps people earn more money for their life. Money is one of the essential facilities to make our life comfortable. Thus, when people come from MES, they have sufficient knowledge and background about this life, they can have a better job than others. Everyone can get jobs by themselves, however, when people use accomplishment that they have learned from MES, they won’t do the manual labor. I remember that 2 years ago, I came to university and learned. However, all of my friends went to companies to work as manual labor from 6am to 6pm or 8pm sometimes or became a staff of coffee shop with the underpaid. And now, in this time, with my knowledge I learned from university, I can earn more money with a job where I can apply what I learned in college. This does not take as much hard work as manual labor. The modern education system also gives people the knowledge to make more relationships. You know that, in the age of technology, the more opportunities people have, the more connection in the world they get. We know that, nowadays, English plays important roles in the life because of the international. Hence, MES, especially English opens us a window connecting the world. People can join in many organizations on the internet global. My friend, who sits next to me in class, learns English very well. And now, she participates and makes friend with more and more people in the world in different countries, expands the opportunities for working and cooperating for herself. There is no denying the fact that MES makes us accessing to technology day by day to develop. People can appropriate with industrialization, globalization, up–to–date news swiftly to keep up with the world when we live in the modern educational system. Specifying, thanks to technology, the COVID-19 pandemic is quickly demonstrating we can apply online education be a vital part of teaching and learning. By integrating technology into existing curricula, teachers can harness online learning as a powerful educational tool as opposed treading water by COVID-19. I believe that people learn in M. E. S adequate for people to live a fulfilling life, that the life they want with the knowledge and facilities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is one of a key factor decided that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have a success
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and in the future. In the age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, MES
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
the smartest creature on earth and empowers humans and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
them ready to face challenges of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
efficiently
.
Therefore
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
will hold up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in making more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, expanding relationships and accessing to technology.

First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is one of the essential facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
comfortable.
Thus
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from MES, they have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and background about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they can have a better job than others. Everyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs by themselves,
however
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
accomplishment that they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learned
from MES, they won’t do the manual labor. I remember that 2 years ago, I came to university and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learned
.
However
, all of my friends went to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to work as manual labor from 6am to 6pm or 8pm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
or became a staff of coffee shop with the underpaid. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, in this time, with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learned
from university, I can earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
with a job where I can apply what I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learned
in college. This does not take as much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work as manual labor.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
also
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more relationships. You know that, in the age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the more opportunities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have, the more connection in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. We know that, nowadays, English plays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the international.
Hence
, MES,
especially
English opens us a window connecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations on the internet global. My friend, who sits
next
to me in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, learns English
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, she participates and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
friend with more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries, expands the opportunities for working and cooperating for herself.

There is no denying the fact that MES
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
us accessing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
day by day to develop.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can appropriate with industrialization, globalization, up–to–date news
swiftly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. Specifying, thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the COVID-19 pandemic is
quickly
demonstrating we can apply online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
be a vital part of teaching and learning. By integrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
into existing curricula, teachers can harness online learning as a powerful educational tool as opposed treading water by COVID-19.

I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn in M. E. S adequate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a fulfilling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
they want with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and facilities.
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IELTS essay Is what people learn in M. E. S adequate for people to live a fulfilling life?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
444 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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