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Is traditional music is important whereas everyone hears international music?

Is traditional music is important whereas everyone hears international music? RRXmQ
Music is been enjoyed by everyone all over the world. The magic power present in songs helps to heal the pain, boost the mood, cleance the mind so, it is unavoidable in our day to day life. The world consist of vast variety of compositions according to particular countries, including traditional and international. Fast moving world is opting for the international music now a days whereas, moer important traditional music are at the point of extinction. On the one hand, international music is more popular and common at the present world whereas, many of them listen just to show status to others. Moreover, many even can not understand the lyrics or meaning of the song also, most of them select just for an entertainment purpose only, nothing more or less. For example, if we take the personal Playlist of individuals there will be no international hits other than traditional music which is in mother tongue. On the other hand, traditional music is completely unique and owns a special style, tune which is the pulse of the nation. Mostly, deals with the emotional state of the common people of the locality, that can be easily related by the natives. Clearly, the music has relaxation skills when it is on our own mother tongue the power increases considerably. Overall, the importance of traditional music will remain always preserved even though, everyone hear the international music deep down in the heart each person find peace in the traditional music.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is been
enjoyed by everyone all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The magic power present in songs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to heal the pain, boost the mood,
Possible spelling mistake found.
cleance
the mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it is unavoidable in our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
consist of vast variety of compositions according to particular countries, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is opting for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
whereas,
Possible spelling mistake found.
moer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are at the point of extinction.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more popular and common at the present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them listen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
status to others.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
even can not understand the lyrics or meaning of the song
also
, most of them select
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for an entertainment purpose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, nothing more or less.
For example
, if we take the personal Playlist of individuals there will be no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
hits other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which is in mother tongue.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is completely unique and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
a special style, tune which is the pulse of the nation.
Mostly
, deals with the emotional state of the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the locality, that can be
easily
related by the natives.
Clearly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has relaxation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
when it is on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mother tongue the power increases
considerably
.

Overall
, the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
will remain always preserved
even though
, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "hears", "heard".
hear
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
deep down in the heart each person find peace in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
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IELTS essay Is traditional music is important whereas everyone hears international music?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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