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Advertising alcohol should be made illegal. Do you agree or disagree?

Advertising alcohol should be made illegal. 8dkwG
The debates whether the advertisements of beer, wine and other ardent drinks should be prohibited are becoming increasingly popular nowadays. I wholeheartedly believe that alcohol consumption brings nothing but harm and damage to people’s lives, therefore I completely agree with the ban on adverts of alcoholic beverages. The key reason why promotion of alcohol should be illegal is because, according to health professionals, toxic substances such as alcohol have a damaging effect on our physical health and brain cells, resulting in injuries and accidents. For example, it takes a huge amount of concentration and judging skills to control a vehicle. Even a glass of wine decreases driver’s ability to pay attention and, as a consequence, drunk driver becomes the main source of deaths of innocent passengers and fatal strikes into pedestrians. Moreover, consumption of strong ethanol-based drinks on daily basis makes a person gradually addictive to it. The substance has a significant power to rewire the brain and it creates physical dependence to make users feel severe withdrawal symptoms in the future if they decide to stop drinking. Unable to control their mental breakdowns and mood swings, heavy users of alcohol are known to physically abuse people around, including children and pregnant women. So, not only overconsumption of liquor beverages brings quarrels and damage to relationship within a family, it also becomes a deep psychological trauma for the significant others and close relatives they will suffer from until the end of their days. To conclude, alcohol is a hazardous drink that should not be encouraged to be consumed due to its dire consequences, therefore all advertisement related to ardent drinks must be prohibited.
The debates whether the advertisements of beer, wine and other ardent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
should
be prohibited
are becoming
increasingly
popular nowadays. I
wholeheartedly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
consumption brings nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
harm and damage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
therefore
I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the ban on adverts of alcoholic beverages.

The key reason why promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
should be illegal is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, according to health professionals, toxic substances such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
have a damaging effect on our physical health and brain cells, resulting in injuries and accidents.
For example
, it takes a huge amount of concentration and judging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to control a vehicle. Even a glass of wine decreases driver’s ability to pay attention and, as a consequence, drunk driver becomes the main source of deaths of innocent passengers and fatal strikes into pedestrians.

Moreover
, consumption of strong ethanol-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
on daily basis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person
gradually
addictive to it. The substance has a significant power to rewire the brain and it creates physical dependence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
users feel severe withdrawal symptoms in the future if they decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
drinking. Unable to control their mental breakdowns and mood swings, heavy users of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
are known
to
physically
abuse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around, including children and pregnant women.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
overconsumption of liquor beverages brings quarrels and damage to relationship within a family, it
also
becomes a deep psychological trauma for the significant others and close relatives they will suffer from until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of their days.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
is a hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
that should not
be encouraged
to
be consumed
due to its

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
dire
consequences,
therefore
all advertisement related to ardent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be prohibited
.
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IELTS essay Advertising alcohol should be made illegal.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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