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Is televised talent shows a good method of finding talented people?

Is televised talent shows a good method of finding talented people? NVgw0
In many contemporary societies, televised talent shows have become very popular over the past decade with shows such as “American Idol”, “The Apprentice”, “Survivor”, and “Big Brother” attracting big audiences. However, it is a well establish notion that every man is born with a unique innate talent. So there is no shade of doubt that among the seven billion men living in the globe has at least one talent of them are unique trait. Most of the cases, it is very difficult for them to parade the world what they are capable of doing. Talent show, indeed, is a wonderful platform for them to manifest their talent. In this instance, many people think that these shows are an excellent approach for hunting the veiled talents, while others oppose the view and claim that it is nothing but amusement. In the following discussion I will show both the points have some merits.
In
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many
contemporary societies, televised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
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shows
have become
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very
popular over the past decade with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
such as “American Idol”, “The Apprentice”, “Survivor”, and “
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
Brother” attracting
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big
audiences.
However
, it is a well establish notion that every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is born
with a unique innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there is no shade of doubt that among the seven billion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
living in the globe has at least one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
of them
Please check whether an article is missing: "are a unique" or "are an unique"
are unique
trait. Most of the cases, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for them to parade the world what they are capable of doing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
,
indeed
, is a wonderful platform for them to manifest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
. In this instance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are an excellent approach for hunting the veiled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
, while others oppose the view and claim that it is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
amusement. In the following discussion I will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
both the points have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits.
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IELTS essay Is televised talent shows a good method of finding talented people?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
151 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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