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Is it necessary to travel to stay happy?

Is it necessary to travel to stay happy? x0Mgo
Travelling can be for different reasons for e. g going on a business trip, or a family vacation. When we are planning for travelling we get excited while packing bags and making different plans of travelling. Travelling do help to enhance our mental health i. e. Staying at one place makes the person bored or tired so when the person travels to new places he/she stays away from the stress and there might be change from their routine boring life. Travelling helps to create memories and helps us to build new relationships for e. g while travelling for business purpose, we come in contact with new contacts and thus it can enhance in making relationships with others. It can also provide you personal time i. e while travelling for business it can help to boost your confidence as you overcome different situations and while travelling with family you can get time to spend time with family members and you can create many unforgettable memories. Thus travelling is a key to happiness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travelling
can be for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons for e. g going on a business trip, or a family vacation. When we are planning for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
excited while packing bags and making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
plans of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travelling
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to enhance our mental health
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
Staying at one place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the person bored or tired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when the person travels to new places he/she stays away from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and there might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
from their routine boring life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to create memories and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us to build new relationships for e. g while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
for business purpose, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in contact with new contacts and
thus
it can enhance in making relationships with others. It can
also
provide you personal time i. e while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
for business it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to boost your confidence as you overcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations and while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
with family you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to spend time with family members and you can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unforgettable memories.
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is a key to happiness.
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IELTS essay Is it necessary to travel to stay happy?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
171 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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