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Is freedom of speech necessary in a free society? v.3

Is freedom of speech necessary in a free society? v. 3
Freedom of speech is very important for a citizen to upgrade himself and society. Freedom is a key point to initiate development and bring people closer, start networking and move forward for a mission like the mission of change, the mission of independence etc. Freedom of speaking is necessary for anyone either he is 2 years old kid or 60 years old man. It gives people courage to communicate to make decisions and work on that. For Example Politician: they speak in public places to make the commitments and plans to develop the country. The audiences listen to them patiently, analyse their words and gives approval in the form of votes to win, so that he can get a chance to work on his promises and commitments. Furthermore, freedom is a fragrance of beautiful society. It makes you extrovert and nourishes you to achieve defined goal. Whereas this privileged is only limited to politicians these days. Those who are not politicians and if they speak something true about someone, they can be killed or murdered, if the opponent party is stronger than them. It also limits anyone to take decisions and forces you to think 100 times before speaking in a public place. Hence we become slaves in our own country. Therefore, I truly believe that citizen should have freedom to speak in favour or against of anyone. Facing the problems and keeping quite can bring disaster and put us in soup. Instead of giving up the problems we need to become unite and work together. Likewise, makes the hay when the sun shines.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Freedom
of speech is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a citizen to upgrade himself and society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Freedom
is a key point to initiate development and bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
closer,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
networking and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward for a mission like the mission of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, the mission of independence etc.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Freedom
of speaking is necessary for anyone either he is 2 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
kid or 60 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. It gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
courage to communicate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
decisions and work on that.
For Example
Politician: they speak in public places to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the commitments and plans to develop the country. The audiences listen to them
patiently
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
their words and gives approval in the form of votes to win,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to work on his promises and commitments.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
is a fragrance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
society. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
you extrovert and nourishes you to achieve defined goal.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
this privileged is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited to politicians these days. Those who are not politicians and if they speak something true about someone, they can
be killed
or murdered, if the opponent party is stronger than
In formal / written English, it is recommended that you use a subject pronoun.
them
. It
also
limits anyone to take decisions and forces you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
100 times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
speaking in a public place.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
we become slaves in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.

Therefore
, I
truly
believe that citizen should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to speak in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
or against of anyone. Facing the problems and keeping quite can bring disaster and put us in soup.
Instead
of giving up the problems we need to become unite and work together.
Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the hay when the sun shines.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Is freedom of speech necessary in a free society? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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