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investing money on special occasions

investing money on special occasions kxMy8
Nowadays, people hold different opinions about spending on special ceremonies in many countries in recent years. While I understand that this tendency has some disadvantages, I personally believe that there are more benefits than drawbacks. On the one hand, investing money in these celebrations can bring some drawbacks to people's lives. To begin with, It can be a waste of money. In modern life, people often spend on unnecessary things like fireworks on Tet holiday or decorating their cities with colorful ribbons. Therefore, instead of using money for those activities, people and the government should invest the profit on healthcare systems or education in mountainous areas to develop the country's economy. One drawback is that holding celebrations can lead to pollution. For example, on special occasions, private vehicles will be the best choice for people when going to other places so it can lead to air pollution by releasing emission to the environment. On the other hand, I believe that celebrating ceremonies can help people in some aspects. Firstly, organizing traditional ceremonies can help the young understand more about their country’s cultures. For instance, they have a chance to participate in the Lunar New Year, how to do “ banh chung” and the meaning behind each special festival. Secondly, special holidays are the time for people to stay with their nearest and dearest. People not only spend on celebrations but also have a chance to relax and balance their mood by sharing experiences and stories with family members after a busy year. In conclusion, while I agree that holding celebrations will bring some disadvantages to people, I personally believe that these special occasions will help people to have memorable times in their life.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
ceremonies in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in recent years. While I understand that this tendency has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, I
personally
believe that there are more benefits than drawbacks.

On the one hand, investing money in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, It can be a waste of money. In modern life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spend on unnecessary things like fireworks on Tet holiday or decorating their cities with colorful ribbons.
Therefore
,
instead
of using money for those activities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest the profit on healthcare systems or education in mountainous areas to develop the country's economy. One drawback is that holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
can lead to pollution.
For example
, on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
occasions, private vehicles will be the best choice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when going to other places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can lead to air pollution by releasing emission to the environment.

On the other hand
, I believe that celebrating ceremonies can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects.
Firstly
, organizing traditional ceremonies can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the young understand more about their country’s cultures.
For instance
, they have a chance to participate in the Lunar New Year, how to do
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
Possible spelling mistake found.
banh
Possible spelling mistake found.
chung
” and the meaning behind each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
festival.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
holidays are the time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay with their nearest and dearest.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have a chance to relax and balance their mood by sharing experiences and stories with family members after a busy year.

In conclusion
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I
personally
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
occasions will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have memorable times in their life.
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IELTS essay investing money on special occasions

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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