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Internet shopping will take over physical shops. Do you agree or disagree v.2

Internet shopping will take over physical shops. v. 2
In todays advancement of technology. It is being debated whether online marketing will over take shopping malls. I completely agree that shopping online will take charge with my reasons. Firstly, It is understandable why some people are of the opinion that shopping physically will be on top. This is because of decisions toward choice of what to purchase. Where an individual has to keep selecting and making choices of what he wants to purchase. For example, In Shop-rite, Nigeria, so many varieties of things to buy, so one can check for his size by testing it, no need of arguing about the sizes. In addition, it enables the individual to know when a fake product is issued to her, which can be returned back to the shop owner. Although there are compelling reasons why I am of the opinion that marketing online will take the lead. This is because it is convenient, one can be able to purchase goods from your home, and make payment of what you bought, then it will be delivered to you at your door step. For instance, Jumia online shops, everywhere around the world, sells and delivers all kinds of products, no need of going out to get them. In conclusion, while some opine that shopping physically will take over because of its mode of making choices, I believe that online shopping has a lot of benefits, like the convenience it gives to people. In my opinion, internet market will overtake the entire means of shopping in the nearest future.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
advancement of technology. It is
being debated
whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
marketing will over take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
will take charge with my reasons.

Firstly
, It is understandable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
physically
will be on top. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of decisions toward choice of what to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. Where an individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
selecting and making choices of what he wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
For example
, In Shop-rite, Nigeria,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
varieties of things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
for his size by testing it, no need of arguing about the sizes.
In addition
, it enables the individual to know when a fake product
is issued
to her, which can be
Consider using "returned".
returned back
to the shop owner.

Although there are compelling reasons why I am of the opinion that marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
will take the lead. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is convenient, one can be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from your home, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
payment of what you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
, then it will
be delivered
to you at your door step.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jumia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops, everywhere around the world, sells and delivers all kinds of products, no need of going out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
physically
will take over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its mode of making choices, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits, like the convenience it gives to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In my opinion, internet market will overtake the entire means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in the nearest future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Internet shopping will take over physical shops. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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