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Internet brings more problems than solutions

Internet brings more problems than solutions KG8L3
To begin with, internet is responsible for the surge in mental health issues among our current generation. Over the years, the advancement in technology has proliferated the internet usage among users especially the use of social media such as Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Meanwhile, the expansion of social media users has gradually transformed the platform into an avenue for users to anonymously attack and cyberbully individuals single-sidedly. As an illustration, a Korean pop singer Choi Jin-ri resorted to suicide after suffering from years of depression, where the sickness was perpetuated by malicious comments of netizens who disapproves her public persona. In brief, internet is indeed a platform which indirectly contributes to rise mental health issues where internet users play the role of perpetrators and get away easily without facing the consequences. Furthermore, internet acts as the largest platform for cybercrime. To put it simple, criminal activities come in many forms and evolves with a society’s development. In this case, cybercrimes has ranked the top in the crime list in our current technology-driven society. In view of this, the most common cyber crimes are reportedly identity fraud, phishing and data breach. Violators often take advantage of the victim’s innocence to carry out scams and earn a fortune effortlessly. For example, a widow in Malaysia had been reportedly cheated of RM1. 15 million by in individual she befriended through an online dating application in 2020. Consequently, the widow suffered from both devastation and money loss. On the whole, internet has become a platform for irresponsible parties to conduct illicit activities especially when committing crimes in real life are way harder due to stricter security forces. Subsequently, internet disconnects people from their physical life. It is an undeniable fact that internet hinders people to walk away from their screens due to the tantalizing attractions that internet offers to their users. To elaborate, the internet provides a vast array of entertainment for their users. From social networking to video-streaming and online gaming, these activities are able to captivate the user’s attention for a long time span on the screens hence obstructing them to carry on with a regular, healthy lifestyle. For instance, a headline in 2013 dropped the jaws of fellow Malaysians where a teen from Georgetown died of heart attack after playing computer games continuously over 15 hours at a cybercafe. Therefore, although internet might connect people through means of social media, yet physical interaction is vital for one’s life and internet is the obstacle that isolates people from the physical socialisation they need.
To
begin
with, internet is responsible for the surge in mental health issues among our
current
generation. Over the years, the advancement in technology has proliferated the internet usage among
users
especially
the
use
of
social
media such as Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Meanwhile, the expansion of
social
media
users
has
gradually
transformed the
platform
into an avenue for
users
to
anonymously
attack and
cyberbully
individuals single-
sidedly
. As an illustration, a Korean pop singer
Choi
Jin-ri
resorted to suicide after suffering from years of depression, where the sickness
was perpetuated
by malicious comments of netizens who disapproves her public persona.

In brief
, internet is
indeed
a
platform
which
indirectly
contributes to rise mental health issues where internet
users
play the role of perpetrators and
get
away
easily
without facing the consequences.

Furthermore
, internet acts as the largest
platform
for cybercrime. To put it simple, criminal activities
come
in
many
forms and evolves with a society’s development.
In this case
,
cybercrimes
has ranked the top in the crime list in our
current
technology-driven society. In view of this, the most common cyber crimes are reportedly identity fraud, phishing and data breach. Violators
often
take advantage of the victim’s innocence to carry out scams and earn a fortune
effortlessly
.
For example
, a widow in Malaysia had been reportedly cheated of RM1. 15 million by in individual she befriended through an online dating application in 2020.
Consequently
, the widow suffered from both devastation and money loss.
On the whole
, internet has become a
platform
for irresponsible parties to conduct illicit activities
especially
when committing crimes in real life are way harder due to stricter security forces.
Subsequently
, internet disconnects
people
from their physical life. It is an undeniable fact that internet hinders
people
to walk away from their screens due to the tantalizing attractions that internet offers to their
users
. To elaborate, the internet provides a vast array of entertainment for their
users
. From
social
networking to video-streaming and online gaming, these activities are able to captivate the
user’s
attention for a long time span on the screens
hence
obstructing them to carry on with a regular, healthy lifestyle.
For instance
, a headline in 2013 dropped the jaws of fellow Malaysians where a teen from Georgetown
died
of heart attack after playing computer games
continuously
over 15 hours at a
cybercafe
.
Therefore
, although internet might connect
people
through means of
social
media,
yet
physical interaction is vital for one’s life and internet is the obstacle that isolates
people
from the physical
socialisation
they need.
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IELTS essay Internet brings more problems than solutions

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
421 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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