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homeschooling vs traditional schooling

homeschooling vs traditional schooling 0DBG
Education being the pivotal part of childhood, many parents believe that teaching children at home at their own pace can be advantageous.  In contrast, others believe that enrolling their children in the finest schools could help children in socializing for their better future. I feel Homeschooling will be an effective way of teaching. Firstly, this essay will discuss both viewpoints and then will explain why homeschooling is becoming more popular. To begin with, regular school-going children tend to develop good social skills. They interact with various people, which in turn teach them to share and working together. Though social development is the major advantage of regular schooling, it does not provide individual attention and care.  For instance, in a classroom of 1: 30 ratio of teacher and students, the teacher can not focus on each child individually. Furthermore, academic situations like examinations, deadlines, homework, etc, can lead to stress in a student. For example, one of my cousins, in her childhood used to feel more anxious during the examination. On the other hand, Homeschooling allows a child to learn at their own pace by exploring many things. Though there would not be any structured curriculum and trained professionals to teach, Parents serve them the best as they pay complete attention to the child's understanding levels and his thought process. This enables the child to learn things in a stress-free manner. To illustrate, My Friend's son being a slow learner faced overstressing at school. As soon as she started homeschooling him according to his grasping speed, he was able to learn things at full tilt. Besides, it becomes easy to develop an interest in any subject with the help of practical learning. For example, the growth of a plant can be observed carefully, from the stage of seed sowing to a fully grown plant. Despite all these benefits, lack of social development is the major drawback of Homeschooling. However, to overcome this concern, parents should try socializing with their children whenever possible. In conclusion, though regular schooling seems extremely helpful in the social development of a child, I feel homeschooling is the best answer for stress-free education. Therefore Homeschooling is becoming more popular.
Education being the pivotal part of childhood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents believe that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home at their 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace can be advantageous.  
In contrast
, others believe that enrolling their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the finest schools could 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in socializing for their better future. I feel Homeschooling will be an effective way of teaching.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss both viewpoints and then will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why homeschooling is becoming more popular.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, regular school-going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to develop 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They interact with various 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which in turn teach them to share and working together. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
development is the major advantage of regular schooling, it does not provide individual attention and care.  
For instance
, in a classroom of 1: 30 ratio of teacher and students, the teacher can not focus on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
individually
.
Furthermore
, academic situations like examinations, deadlines, homework, etc, can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in a student.
For example
, one of my cousins, in her childhood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to feel more anxious during the examination.

On the other hand
, Homeschooling 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to learn at their 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace by exploring 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things. Though there would not be any structured curriculum and trained professionals to teach, Parents serve them the best as they pay complete attention to the child's understanding levels and his 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process. This enables the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to learn things in a 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free manner. To illustrate, My Friend's son being a slow learner faced
Possible spelling mistake found.
overstressing
at school. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
homeschooling him according to his grasping speed, he was able to learn things
Did you mean "to"?
at
full tilt.
Besides
, it becomes easy to develop an interest in any subject with the 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of practical learning.
For example
, the growth of a plant can
be observed
carefully
, from the stage of seed sowing to a
fully
grown plant. Despite all these benefits, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
development is the major drawback of Homeschooling.
However
, to overcome this concern, parents should try socializing with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
whenever possible.

In conclusion
, though regular schooling seems
extremely
helpful in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, I feel homeschooling is the best answer for 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free education.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
Homeschooling is becoming more popular.
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IELTS essay homeschooling vs traditional schooling

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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