Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

International entertainers, including sports personalities, often get paid millions of dollars in one year. In your view, with widespread poverty in the world, are these huge earnings justified?

International entertainers, including sports personalities, often get paid millions of dollars in one year. In your view, with widespread poverty in the world, are these huge earnings justified? 9ng0
Тhere are a lot of famous international entertainers and sports personalities around the world who often get paid millions of dollars per year. From the side everything seems to be very easy and smooth but indeed everything is hard enough. To be a famous person seems very pleasant and attractive, but in real life they pay a big price for that and there are a lot of nuances that we should take into consideration. First point is that from the first sight their salary seems to be high but it should be considered that the salaries are not the same in every country. Еvery state has average salary rate. The same salary can be high enough for one country, but low for another. Second point is that usually famous people, including international entertainers and sports personalities, work very hard and spend a lot of time, nerves and health to reach their goals. But after achieving high results they spend the rest of their life to keep the position. So It becomes routine. When you read the biography of any famous person you understand how hard and rough the road to the top has been and how many failures they have had. At the end it becomes clear that spent efforts worth that high salary. On the other hand the other side of the coin should be considered as well. Many famous people are known because of their famous parents or siblings. In this case their huge earnings do not have any justification.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Тhere
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
international entertainers and sports personalities around the world who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid millions of dollars per year.

From the side everything seems to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy and smooth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
indeed
everything is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. To be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
person seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
pleasant and attractive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in real life they pay a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
price for that and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
nuances that we should take into consideration.

First
point is that from the
first
sight their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
seems to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should
be considered
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
are not the same in every country. Е
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
state has average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
rate. The same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for one country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
low for another.

Second point is that
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, including international entertainers and sports personalities, work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time, nerves and health to reach their goals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
results they spend the rest of their life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the position.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
It becomes routine.

When you read the biography of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
person you understand how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and rough the road to the top has been and how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
failures they have had. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
it becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that spent efforts worth that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary.

On the other hand
the other side of the coin should
be considered
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are known
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
parents or siblings.
In this case
their huge earnings do not have any justification.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay International entertainers, including sports personalities, often get paid millions of dollars in one year. In your view, with widespread poverty in the world, are these huge earnings justified?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts