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Interested about your first major choice

Interested about your first major choice R0kxQ
I have always had a passion for aerospace crafts, astronomy and space since I was young, but I really want to become an Engineer due to the fact of my love for design, vehicles and the hardware installations inside them. consequently, I started searching for an Aviation Engineering major, but when I was searching I found a major in Aerospace Engineering. That is when’s I started listening and watching videos to people talking about information about it. While I enjoy astronomy and love to read what is related to it and learn about what is new, I did not think of studying it as a major. I consider myself a person who merely loves and enjoys it. I can see the relative connection between Astronomy and Aerospace Engineering, as engineering contains subjects related to astronomy and this is one of the things that made me supremely interested in the major.
I have always had a passion for aerospace crafts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
astronomy
and space since I was young,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
really
want to become an Engineer due to the fact of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for design, vehicles and the hardware installations inside them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
searching for an Aviation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when I was searching I found a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
in Aerospace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineering
.
That is
when’s I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
listening and watching videos to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
talking about information about it.

While I enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
astronomy
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to read what
is related
to it and learn about what is new, I did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of studying it as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
. I consider myself a person who
merely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
and enjoys it. I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the relative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Astronomy
and Aerospace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineering
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
contains subjects related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
astronomy
and this is one of the things that made me
supremely
interested in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
.
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IELTS essay Interested about your first major choice

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
150 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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