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Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? NQ0W
Information technology has revolutionized our lives. The advancement in technology has been enabling professionals to work remotely away from their offices. In my opinion, the advantages of this development outweigh the downsides. This change has benefitted working professionals in many ways. First and foremost, in this hectic and tedious work environment, people face challenges to strike a balance between work and personal life. Information technology allows those professionals to work from the home and spend quality time with their loved ones. It not only improves their productivity but also reduces the work related stress. Moreover, it enables the employers to save their capital on operational expenses such as office rent, workers’ travelling cost and stationary expenses. Therefore, mobility due to information technology is a beneficial development for the people of all walks of life. However, this innovation has many inevitable downsides. Firstly, the complacent attitude of people while working remotely is one of the key drawbacks which affects the work deadlines and end results. People generally take the casual approach and work as per their convenience when they work remotely. For example, in offices, it is mandatory for employees to spend a certain number of hours of working; however, people generally spend less time on work when they work remotely. Hence, this phenomenon is disadvantageous for employees lacking discipline and the companies employing them. In conclusion, despite the fact that working remotely is not ideal for employees lacking self discipline, I assert that benefits like better work life balance and less stress level outweigh those disadvantages.
Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has revolutionized our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has been enabling professionals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remotely
away from their offices. In my opinion, the advantages of this development outweigh the downsides. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
professionals in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

First
and foremost, in this hectic and tedious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face challenges to strike a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and personal life. Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
those professionals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from the home and spend quality time with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their productivity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Moreover
, it enables the employers to save their capital on operational expenses such as office rent, workers’ travelling cost and stationary expenses.
Therefore
, mobility due to information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is a beneficial development for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all walks of life.

However
, this innovation has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inevitable downsides.
Firstly
, the complacent attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remotely
is one of the key drawbacks which affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
deadlines and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
results.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
generally
take the casual approach and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as per their convenience when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remotely
.
For example
, in offices, it is mandatory for employees to spend a certain number of hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
spend less time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remotely
.
Hence
, this phenomenon is disadvantageous for employees lacking discipline and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
employing them.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remotely
is not ideal for employees lacking
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self discipline
, I assert that benefits like better
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance and less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level outweigh those disadvantages.
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IELTS essay Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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