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Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. 5dEn
There are approximately 196 countries in the world, each following their own business strategies and a unique culture. Some individuals believe that increasing trad and cultural exchange between countries has advantages. While, others deem that it leads to the demise of a nation's identity. I will discuss both the views and gives my opinion in the conclusion. There are many benefits of this. First and foremost, it helps us to increase the rate of employment. To explain it further, due to the import and export of the goods with various nations, our business sectors will be improved. Moreover, when we communicate with different cultural individuals from that we gain knowledge of not only culture but also history of that country. We even learn about their food and that we try to do in our country and that enhances our business. So, for that we need more employees in business. Thus, it is very beneficial. On the other side, there are some negative effects of this. Firstly, when we go to the other country, we are trying to follow their culture, food and their lifestyle and we forget our tradition and if we totally forget our culture then it will definitely impact on our nation's identity. No one will visit our country if there is no popular things that can attracts the tourist. For instance, if the famous food of particular country will disappear then visitors will also disappear. Consequently, it has some downside. In conclusion, although it has some demerits of vanishes our nation's identity, I believe that it is more adventageous to increase trade and cross-cultural among countries.
There are approximately 196
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world, each following their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
strategies and a unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals believe that increasing trad and cultural exchange between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has advantages.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, others deem that it leads to the demise of a nation's identity. I will discuss both the views and gives my opinion in the conclusion.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of this.
First
and foremost, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to increase the rate of employment. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
further
, due to the import and export of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
with various nations, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
sectors will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
Moreover
, when we communicate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural individuals from that we gain knowledge of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
history of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. We even learn about their food and that we try to do in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and that enhances our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, for that we need more employees in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial.

On the other side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of this.
Firstly
, when we go to the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, we are trying to follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, food and their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lifestyle and
we forget our tradition and if we
totally
forget our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
then it will definitely impact on our nation's identity. No one will visit our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
if there is no popular things that can attracts the tourist.
For instance
, if the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
food of particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will disappear then visitors will
also
disappear.
Consequently
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downside.

In conclusion
, although it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits of vanishes our nation's identity, I believe that it is more
Possible spelling mistake found.
adventageous
to increase trade and cross-cultural among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
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IELTS essay Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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