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how children make mistakes in life and community.

how children make mistakes in life and community. VyDoA
There are opposing views about how children make mistakes in life and community. While some people claim that children should be avoided from making mistakes. I would argue that children should be given the freedom to correct mistakes. There is a common belief that children should be avoided from making mistakes in life. First, many people think this is reasonable. This ís because they don't want their children to make the same mistakes they made. For example, when parents meet their mistakes in the past but don't study hard leading to bad consequences for the future, they don't want their children to repeat those mistakes. Second, people believe this will help their children in the future. As a result, children feel constrained and uncomfortable because they always have to obey their parents. In contrast, I am of the opinion that children should have freedom in small mistakes. This is primarily to let children learn how to overcome difficulties and learn from them so they don't do it again in the future. For example, when children misbehave leading to a low score, let them figure it out on their own and we can help by explaining why it's not good. Therefore, it is better for children to find ways to correct their own mistakes than to prevent them from making mistakes. In conclusion, I acknowledge that it should prevent children from making mistakes. I am of the opinion that children should have a right to privacy to correct errors, help children be bolder in society.
There are opposing views about how
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
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mistakes
in life and community.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
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some
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people
claim that
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children
should
be avoided
from making
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mistakes
. I would argue that
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children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the freedom to correct mistakes.

There is a common belief that
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children
should
be avoided
from making
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mistakes
in life.
First
,
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many
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people
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think
this is reasonable. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
ís
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because
they
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don't
want their
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children
to
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make
the same
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mistakes
they made.
For example
, when parents
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meet
their
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mistakes
in the past
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but
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don't
study
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hard
leading to
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bad
consequences for the future, they
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don't
want their
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children
to repeat those
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mistakes
. Second,
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people
believe this will
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help
their
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children
in the future.
As a result
,
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children
feel constrained and uncomfortable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
obey their parents.

In contrast
, I am of the opinion that
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children
should have freedom in
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small
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mistakes
. This is
primarily
to
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let
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children
learn how to overcome difficulties and learn from them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
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don't
do it again in the future.
For example
, when
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children
misbehave leading to a low score,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them figure it out on their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
own and
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
by explaining why it's not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Therefore
, it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to find ways to correct their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
than to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from making mistakes.

In conclusion
, I acknowledge that it should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
. I am of the opinion that
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children
should have a right to privacy to correct errors,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be bolder in society.
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IELTS essay how children make mistakes in life and community.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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